


Grey and Colourless

by icyaisy



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Tragedy, Bokuaka - Freeform, Death, Depressed Oikawa Tooru, Fluff and Angst, Haikyuu!! AU Week, Heathers References, Heavy Angst, Iwaizumi Hajime - Freeform, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru Angst, Minor Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Multi, OikawaTooru - Freeform, Sad Oikawa Tooru, characterdeath, haikyuufanfiction, heather - Freeform, iwaoi - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:21:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26120338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icyaisy/pseuds/icyaisy
Summary: Oikawa Tooru wished nothing but to be her so he could be with him. But as for Iwaizumi Hajime, losing his best friend is like losing himself.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Hinata Shouyou/Kozume Kenma, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 52
Kudos: 274





	Grey and Colourless

**Author's Note:**

> •This is a Haikyu!! AU  
> •I do not own Haikyu!!  
> UPDATE; The spin-off for this fanfiction will be up soon ! KageHina's, Bright and Colourful :D

**Prompt**

**_"_ ** **I wish I was her. Thank you for being a part of my life."**

* * *

It was a pure fresh day somewhere in Spring when Oikawa walked down the hallway. It was his second year at college ever since he graduated from highschool along with his other friends, Iwaizumi, Matsukawa and Hanamaki. Both Matsukawa and Hanamaki went to a different college and separated ways from Iwaizumi and Oikawa. But Oikawa didn't mind that as long that his best friend, Iwaizumi Hajime is with him.

**"** **Oikawaaaa!!!"** Oikawa gasped when he felt a smack on the left side of his back. It was his friend who he just met during the college entrance ceremony on their first year.

 **"Bo-chan!!I'm not a volleyball don't spike me like that."** Oikawa said, in an annoyed voice tone. Bokuto Koutaro whom he called _'Bo-chan'_ for short was the ace of the infamous volleyball team from Fukurodani Academy before. Bokuto is a male with great physical figure. His yellow eyes, spiked up dyed grey hair with some black roots showing on his hair and a tall muscular body. No doubt but he has loads of fangirls as much as Oikawa does.

 **"Sorry, Oikawa. Heh. Why are you still here?You're not going to the entrance ceremony?For the freshmen."** Bokuto told Oikawa as he bend over to stretch himself.

**"What?It's today?"**

Oikawa asked and Bokuto inclined his head.

 **"No wonder I don't see Iwa-chan!!He must've gone to the ceremony without me."** Oikawa pulled Bokuto's arms as he pouted to the fact that his own best friend left for the ceremony without him. Bokuto on the other hand, was overjoyed because his special person was finally a student at the same college. They both bolted down the stairs to the college lobby. Soon enough after that, Bokuto spotted his special person talking to Iwaizumi under the large sakura tree nearby the college's gate. It was quite crowded, place full of freshmen and seniors talking to each other and however, Oikawa noticed that there was also a girl standing beside his best friend. Bokuto dragged Oikawa to meet both Iwaizumi and Bokuto's special person.

**"HEY HEY HEYYY!!AGHAAAHSHIIIEEE!!You're finally here!!"**

Bokuto hugged his special friend, a freshman, Akaashi Keiji. Oikawa and Iwaizumi weren't surprised with how Bokuto was acting towards Akaashi because he told them about his friendship with Akaashi back in highschool. Akaashi returned the hug to Bokuto and politely pulled away saying,

**"It's Akaashi, Bokuto-san. Yes, I am finally here."**

Oikawa couldn't help it but smiled to see how polite Akaashi was. Bokuto introduced Akaashi to Iwaizumi and Oikawa and left with Akaashi for lunch. Oikawa turned to Iwaizumi, claiming that he owed him lunch just because he left him alone before the ceremony.

 **"Don't be such a kid, Shittykawa. You're twenty soon."** Iwaizumi said. Oikawa looked away and pouted as if he was sulking. The girl who had been standing beside Iwaizumi the whole time let out a chuckle seeing the silly argument Oikawa and Iwaizumi just had a moment ago. Oikawa looked at her and then turned to Iwaizumi with an eye contact asking,

 ** _'Iwa-chan, who is she?'_** Iwaizumi immediately get what Oikawa's eye contact with him meant so he apologised and introduced the girl to Oikawa.

 **" Oh sorry. Oikawa, this is Kazane Mizuki, a freshman girl I met this morning. She lost her way and coincidentally she's a freshman at our college so I brought her here. Mizuki, this is my best friend, Oikawa Tooru."** Iwaizumi introduced as he mentioned each of their names. Mizuki offered her hand to shake Oikawa's but Oikawa didn't take her offering. Instead, he let out a _'mmphh_ ' and walked away from both Iwaizumi and Mizuki.

Iwaizumi was ashamed of Oikawa's cold attitude towards girls and he quickly apologised to Mizuki on Oikawa's behalf.

 **"It's okay, Iwaizumi-san. I totally understand that."** Mizuki smiled.

 **"Please, just call me Hajime. It's my first name."** Iwaizumi said. Mizuki blushed and and nodded to his statement. They spent their time together for the whole ceremony, leaving Oikawa alone no where to be found in the crowd and parted ways when the ceremony ended.

_**//"Tch. You don't get it, Tobio-chan. She seems like a nice person, but I don't even know why can't I be nice to her as well." //** _

_**//"But Oikawa-san, maybe you should try hanging out with her to get to know her better?—In a second!!—Uh, Oikawa-san. I gotta go now, I have a match starting up soon,** **bye." //** _

_**//"Tobio-chan** **wait—"//** _

_**//"......"//** _

**_'Damn it.'_** Oikawa thought to himself as his junior, former volleyball enemy, Kageyama Tobio hung up the phonecall. They were enemies on the court but Kageyema always looked up to Oikawa and Oikawa was always proud of his junior despite the harsh words and hate he threw at that boy back then. And that kept them close.Oikawa looked at the time and it had passed 5PM. Oikawa stood up from the bench at the college backyard and head back to his dorm which he shared with both Iwaizumi and Bokuto. He assumed that they'd have a new roommate since the bed on top of Bokuto's bunk bed was empty. Each dorm requires four students. They only had three people back then. Oikawa lied down on his bed on top of Iwaizumi's and heard the toilet door of their dorm opened. Oikawa didn't bother to see who it was and just assumed it was Iwaizumi since it was quiet.

**"Iwa-chan, did you had fun with Mizuki today?You must have."** he sighed.

 **"Oikawa-san, it's me, Akaashi."**

Oikawa got up and looked down to see Akaashi who had just finished showering.

 **"So you're our new roommate."**

**"Exactly, Oikawa-san. Bokuto-san had it all arranged for me to be here."** Akaashi stated as he put a shirt on. Not long after that, Bokuto and Iwaizumi walked in the dorm and broke the silence within it.

 **"And yeah?Did you get her number???"**

Bokuto laughed and asked Iwaizumi.

 **"Heck no!!Not yet. We're just friends, Koutarou."** Iwaizumi replied to Bokuto's question and went to shower.

**"Oya?Where've you been Oikawa?Akaashi and I had a great time during the ceremony. Weren't you with Hajime and that girl err..what's her name wait—"**

**" Mizuki. Kazane Mizuki. And no, I wasn't with them. I was on a long phonecall with Tobio-chan."** Oikawa cut off Bokuto and turned away facing the wall, pulling up the blanket to cover himself. It was cold of him.

Bokuto pulled Akaashi closer to him and whispered,

**"Hey 'Kashi, what's with that flatty ass dude?"**

**" I supposed it is none of our business for now, Bokuto-san. "** Akaashi said. Bokuto pouted and laid back on his bed. Time passed and they were all sound asleep through the night except for Oikawa. He kept staring on the ceiling above him. Thinking to himself.

**_'Maybe I should just try..I won't know unless I try..Tobio-chan is right..'_ **

Oikawa thought to himself and forced himself to sleep right after.

**Summer**

Days passed and Spring ended which then the blazing Summer came. Oikawa, Iwaizumi and Mizuki went out together for a weekend outing to the mall and for some fruit sorbet since Summer was hot. Oikawa was eventually friends with Mizuki as well after so many thoughts clogging his mind about it. And he did not regret that decision, not even at the slightest. Oikawa dialled Mizuki's number and called her to ask her tag along with him and Iwaizumi for sorbet.

_**//"Alright, I'll be ready in 10 minutes. See you guys at the lobby!!"//** _

Oikawa then hung up and put on a short sleeved blue shirt. As simple as that. Iwaizumi put on a denim jacket and sprayed mint like cologne on each sides of his neck.

 **"What's with that?You rarely apply that cologne since it's that precious."** Oikawa asked, putting on his white sneakers. Iwaizumi shook his head and walked out the door first before Oikawa.

 **"I just feel like it. Come on, Mizuki's waiting."** Oikawa got up and ran to catch up with Iwaizumi who had walked first before him.

Mizuki tapped both of their shoulders from behind which made them gasped.

 **"Mizu-chan!"** Oikawa smiled widely. Both Oikawa's and Iwaizumi's eyes were glued to her, looking at her from head to toe. Oikawa noticed the sudden silence and red tint on his best friend's cheeks who was still staring at the brown haired female infront of them.

**"You look cute, Mizu-chan. Let's get going then. I want honey sorbet!"**

**"Thank you, Oikawa. You're not bad yourself, as fresh as a daisy during Summer."** Mizuki stated and tilted her head to the side, smiling at both Oikawa and Iwaizumi.

While they were eating their sorbet, Oikawa noticed how uneasy Iwaizumi looked like and decided to drag him to the restroom.

**"Spill."** Oikawa said.

 **"What?"** Iwaizumi queried Oikawa, rolled his eyes and looked into Iwaizumi's olive-like coloured eyes.

**"You can't hide it from me, Iwa-chan."**

Iwaizumi covered his mouth with one hand and looked down in the sink as he felt his cheeks burning.

**"Well uhm..Mizuki is cute..and pretty..and all..don't you think..?"**

Oikawa's eyes widened as he heard his best friend expressed such thought. And then, he knew, Iwaizumi had fallen for that friend of theirs called Mizuki.

 **"Right..Oikawa?"** Iwaizumi asked again.

Oikawa then snapped out and answered to him.

 **"W-well..yeah..she is.."** Oikawa flashed a faint smile and hit Iwaizumi on the shoulder in all of a sudden.

 **"Get out, Iwa-chan!"**

**"What?What's that for, Shittykawa?!"**

He yelled. Oikawa pushed Iwaizumi outside and closed the door behind him.

 **" Shit is going to be excreted, Iwa-chan. Do you wanna watch then?"** Oikawa laughed. Iwaizumi then laughed and left him there alone. Oikawa locked the stall, sat on the toilet floor and squeezed his chest. Cold sweats started dripping from his forehead and he questioned himself with unexpected questions.

_**'What is this feeling?Why does it hurt?Why am I sweating like this in all of a sudden?Why does Mizu-chan's name irritates me..why..why all of this..?'** _

Oikawa shook his head and washed his face. He stared at his own reflection in the mirror as he wiped his face with the tissue provided in the restroom. His eyes were half lidded when he realised that he was staring into the mirror for quite a long time. When he was heading back to their table, he saw Iwaizumi feeding Mizuki his sorbet. Oikawa looked away, not knowing what was wrong with him. He walked up to them and told them that he had to go somewhere to meet someone. Before Iwaizumi could inquire him regarding that, he rushed out in a blink of an eye.

 **" Is he okay?"** Mizuki asked, concerned about Oikawa because they're quite close to each other. Iwaizumi shook his head and told Mizuki not to worry about Oikawa.

 **" I'm not sure though. Maybe it's an emergency. Do you want to go anywhere else, Mizuki?"** Iwaizumi asked. Mizuki ate the last spoon for her mango sorbet and replied to Iwaizumi. **"How about the theme park?It'llbe fun!!"** Iwaizumi's lips curved into a wide smile when Mizuki suggested them to go to the theme park. And then, they proceeded their way there.

•

•

Finally after exiting the sorbet bar, Oikawa felt better and his chest doesn't hurt anymore.

But still, he wondered what was wrong with him.

 _ **'What is this feeling?'**_ Oikawa sighed and looked down while walking.

 **"Oikawa-san?"** A familiar voice called. Oikawa lifted up his head and surprised to see Kageyama infront of him along with Hinata, the orange head shrimpy he nicknamed.

 **"Shrimpy-chan?Tobio-chan?"** He said. Oikawa then straightened his body posture, placing a hand on his left waist.

 **" What are you two doing here?"** he asked.

 **"We're here because I'm accompanying Hinata to meet up with someone ."** Kageyema stated. Oikawa rose an eyebrow and turned his gaze towards Hinata who was texting someone on his phone.

**"So Shrimpy-chan has a friend in Tokyo?I assume it's a volleyball player too then.Typical of Hinata."**

Hinata lifted up his head and smiled at Oikawa.

 **"Exactly!!His name is Kozume Kenma!He was from Nekoma High but now he's a freshman in college. He's free today so he asked me to come hang out and play games. We're meeting up at the theme park after this?Do you want to join us, Oikawa-san?"** The orange head boy exclaimed. Oikawa clicked his tongue and looked at Kageyama.

**"I'm quite free at the moment. Sure, why not?"**

**"Alright!!Let's go!!"** Hinata said and pulled both Oikawa's and Kageyama's hands.

 **"Hinata dumbass!!Don't squeeze my hand!!Dumbass!"** Kageyema yelled. Oikawa was used to their little quarrel like that so he could only laugh at those two third years. It kinda made him giggled when he looked back into those days when those two were first years. Were kids and now they're third years.

Once they arrived at the theme park, Hinata immediately spotted Kenma and ran towards him. He waved his hand and called for Kenma so he would notice his presence.

**"Kenma!!!"** Hinata called out aloud. Kenma turned around and smiled when he saw Hinata.

 **"Shouyou."** He smiled. Then he looked at Kageyama and Oikawa who were behind Hinata and told them,

 **" You guys don't mind if I take Shouyou alone?"** Kenma smirked at Kageyama.Oikawa shrugged his shoulders as a signal that he doesn't mind that and Kenma soon walked away out of sight along with Hinata. Oikawa noticed that Kageyama didn't answer to Kenma's question and was looking on ground the whole time. So he decided to ask him while they were strolling around the theme park.

**"What's with the long face, Tobio-chan?Something about that blonde haired cat boy bothers you isn't it?"** It was obvious that even Oikawa noticed. Kageyama stopped walking and asked Oikawa.

**"O-oikawa s-san...how do you—"**

**"I know you well, Tobio-chan. Come on, lets talk here."** Oikawa said as he patted the seat next to him on the bench beside the cotton candy stall.

**"What about it?"** Oikawa asked.

Kageyama laced his fingers together and sighed.

 **"Kenma is actually..Hinata's boyfriend.."**

Oikawa's eyes widened, couldn't believed his ears for what he had just heard coming out from his junior's mouth.

 **"Excuse me..?Shrimpy-chan isn't straight then?"** He asked. Kageyama let out a small fake chuckle and said,

 **"Surprising, isn't it, Oikawa-san?They've started dating each other since last year.I hate it whenever they're alone together.."** **"And why does that bother you then?"** Oikawa asked again. He had no idea what was going on until Kageyema told him the idea of it.

 **"I've been in love with Hinata..since our first year.."** Kageyama explained. Oikawa went silent for a few minutes and broke the silence later.

**"H-how did you know that you've fallen for him?Is it possible to fall for a person with the same gender..?You're not kidding right?"**

Kageyama shook his head and turned to Oikawa.

 **"I'm serious Oikawa-san. And yes, it's possible. Anything is possible. I knew it when I felt my chest hurt everytime he talked to Yachi-san back then..or whenever he kept blethering about Kenma too much back then..until I made a move and kissed him two years ago because I couldn't take it. I was galled, seethed and jealous. But as expected, he never felt the same way for me. Kenma has all of his attention..And it hurts so bad...until today.."** Kageyama wiped his tears from non-stop streaking down on his face and smiled at Oikawa. Oikawa couldn't help but felt sorry for his junior and wondered to himself about it.

**"So Oikawa-san?Do you like or love anyone?"**

Oikawa then looked away to the side as soon as Kageyama changed the subject.

**"I-I don't know but..."**

**"But..?"** Kageyama echoed.

**"My chest h-hurts...and I don't know why do I feel irritated..whenever he mentions her name..or whenever I see her face..makes me feel weird and guilty...because she's a nice girl.."**

Oikawa explained and squeeze his chest again as it started hurting again.

 **"Are you talking about Iwaizumi-san?"** Kageyama voiced out.

**"How did you..?"**

**"I just thought so..you did mentioned that he met a girl last Spring during your college entrance ceremony."** Kageyama said. Oikawa was silent.

 **"Do you..love him..Oikawa-san?"**

Oikawa stood up and didn't answer to Kageyama. Instead, he walked front and Kageyama pulled his arm, asking him.

 **"Are Matsukawa-san and Hanamaki-san informed of this?You love him do you, Oikawa-san?"** Oikawa shook his head and told Kageyama that it was nothing.

 **"I don't know Tobio-chan. Kinda impossible don't you think?He's my best friend and he's obviously in love with our mutual friend.."** Oikawa flashed Kageyama a faint smile and wrapped an arm around Kageyama's shoulder.

 **"Now let's go enjoy this place, Tobio-chan!!"** He smiled. Kageyama was utterly speechless. He didn't know what to say to his senior but he knew, the smiles were fake on that day. As they strolled around the theme park, games after games, Oikawa spotted Iwaizumi and Mizuki together at the doll darting game stall. He stopped walking and observed them from afar.

 **"Oikawa-san?"** Kageyama called when he realised Oikawa stopped behind. He then turned his gaze towards where Oikawa was staring at and noticed the eyes Oikawa had that moment. He was staring at them, full anger with a mixture of deep sorrow and confusion. Kageyama pulled to walk with him to where Iwaizumi and Mizuki were at.

**"Tobio-chan, what are you doing?"**

**"Confirming your feelings, stupid."**

**"Did you just called me—"**

Oikawa then cut off by Kageyama who spoke to Iwaizumi as if they just happened to bumping into each other at the theme park.

**"Iwaizumi-san!!What a coincidence."** Kageyama bowed. Iwaizumi and Mizuki turned to Oikawa and Kageyama.

 **"So he rushed out from the sorbet bar just to go to the theme park with you, Kageyama?I thought it was an emergency."** Iwaizumi laughed. Without wasting any time, Iwaizumi quickly introduced Mizuki to Kageyama and that somehow made Oikawa irritated. Oikawa rolled his eyes and paid the bearded old man for the game tokens and darts.

 **"Look, Tobio-chan. I am going to win you a plushie. I'm good at this!"** Oikawa said as he tapped Kageyama's shoulder.

 **"Oh yeah?Since when is Shittykawa good at games like this. You don't even wear your contact lenses today can you even see and aim accurately?"** Iwaizumi teased his best friend. It was true that Oikawa was never good at darting games like that but on that day, he managed to get it right and done with only one shot. Probably because he was irritated on the inside.

**"Congratulations, son!You've got it at first shot. You can choose whichever doll you wish to."** The old man congratulated Oikawa and told him to pick a plushie among the ones hanging.

 **"That one, gramps."** Oikawa said, pointing to a 3 foot Godzilla plushie. Oikawa received the plushie and hand it over to Kageyama.

 **"Why are you giving it to me?"** Kageyama asked. He had no idea that Oikawa gave it to him just to irritate Iwaizumi. He knew Iwaizumi's obsession for Godzillas is just sick.

 **"Because you've been nice to me today, Tobio-chan."** He smiled and patted Kageyama's head. In the same time, he smirked at Iwaizumi and Mizuki behind Kageyama.

 **"Damn it, I've always wanted that, Shittykawa."** Iwaizumi laughed.

 **"Well be fast next time, loser.Let's go Tobio-chan."** Oikawa said and walked away from his best friend.

**"Don't you think he's a little bit weird?"**

Iwaizumi asked Mizuki.

 **"I told you, Hajime. Go on and talk to him when you get back to your dorm, okay?"** Mizuki said as she caressed Iwaizumi's cheeks. Iwaizumi blushed and grinned.

•

•

**"Oikawa-san, Hinata just texted me to meet him and Kenma at the parking lot. He said Kenma will drive us back to Miyagi. Do you want to tag along?I could ask Kenma to drop you off by your college."**

Oikawa waved his hands as a sign that it was fine. He told Kageyama that he will take the bus back to college instead. They parted ways and Oikawa took the bus back to his college. He was blank. He had nothing in mind except Kageyama's words echoing in head.

_**"Do you..love him..Oikawa-san?"** _

Oikawa then spoke to himself about it,

**"I don't know, Tobio-chan. I don't know.."**

Oikawa got off the bus infront of his college entrance and it was already 8:32PM at night. It was summer so it kinda was hot at night even though the wind still blows nicely.

**"I'm back—"** Oikawa dropped his keys when he saw two male students making out on the couch in their dorm living room.They were Bokuto and Akaashi. Akaashi pulled away and ran into the toilet when he heard Oikawa's voice and keys dropped.Bokuto, rubbed the nape of his neck and laughed despite the awkward situation.

 **"Bo-chan..what on Earth.."** Oikawa mumbled. Bokuto asked Oikawa to sit beside him and called Akaashi out from the toilet.

 **"Akaashi!!It's okay he's not angry or whatever. You can come out."** Akaashi then came out from the toilet and sat on the floor.

 **"I apologise for what you just witnessed, Oikawa-san."** Akaashi apologised.

Oikawa's brown eyebrows furrowed and asked them regarding the scene he had just accidentally walked into.

**"Since when..guys?"**

**"What do you mean?We've been together for a long time, 'Kawa."** Bokuto explained. Oikawa turned to Akaashi and Akaashi nodded to Bokuto's explanation.

 **"No wonder he's excited as hell before. Well whatever."** Oikawa shrugged and went to shower after grabbing his towel. He scanned through the dorm for his best friend but he wasn't there.

 ** _'Not back yet, huh?'_**

Oikawa turned on the shower on a medium temperature since it was Summer. Not too hot not too cold either. He sat down on the tile and let the shower poured on him as he began to be lost in his own thoughts. Again, Kageyama's words echoed in his mind.

**_"Do you..love him..Oikawa-san?"_**

Oikawa was resentful for himself acting weird on that day, for having Kageyama's words echoing in his mind multiple times and hit his head hard on the pipe as hard as he could. He looked down and noticed blood flowing from the the right side of his forehead.

 **"That doesn't hurt at all."** He said. Oikawa closed the pipes and wrapped the towel around his waist. Again, he stared at his own reflection in the mirror. He smiled and whispered to himself.

**"All this..my efforts..my intelligence.. this handsome face..toned body..and I'm still not enough for anyone.."**

After washing the blood off and applied antiseptic on his forehead, Oikawa taped a big medical plaster on the wound. The sounds of the sink pipe water coming out and the water droplets from from the shower he had just turned off was enough to cover the sounds of his silent cries. Flashbacks came back to him and tears started rolling down his face.

**FLASHBACK STARTS**

**"Oikawa!!You need to train more!!"**

**"Oikawa!!!That's bad change it!!"**

**"Oikawa, that's kinda lame you know, you look like a loser."**

**"Heh, have you heard it heard?Oikawa-kun lost against Kageyama from Karasuno!!"**

**"What?Really?I thought he was that great?Probably lame!"**

**"He's too confident of himself and he thinks he's that great, he deserved the loss!!"**

**"I heard that he wasn't that smart back then in elementary school?"**

**"Isn't it obvious?Nobody likes him. Everyone pretended to like him just for his popularity you know. The only friends he has are Iwaizumi, Matsukawa and Hanamaki. I feel sorry for those three tch tch."**

Those words. Words of the people around him. The society around him back in Miyagi. The insults and mockings. He went through them all with a smile but whenever he was alone, he cried. He cried so hard that at some point, he couldn't cry anymore. His tears just won't come out. He was just a child. And that phase continued until his last day of being a highschool student. But he was strong because his friends got his back. Especially Iwaizumi.

**"Oi, Shittykawa.** " Iwaizumi called for Oikawa while he was crying alone under the stairs. Oikawa lifted up his head to see Iwaizumi along with Matsukawa and Hanamaki.

 **"Iwa-chan..Mattsun..Makki.."** Matsukawa and Hanamaki pulled Oikawa to stand up and the three of them immediately hugged Oikawa in a group hug to comfort him.

**"Guys.."**

**"Shut up, Oikawa. This isn't cool."** Matsukawa said. Oikawa knew it was a joke so he didn't mind it.

 **"Yeah. We're not usually this nice and we won't usually hug trash. But you're our trash. Also, I'm not gay."** Hanamaki said while rubbing Oikawa's back.

 **"Really?I thought you've finally fallen for me, Makki."** Oikawa joked though he was crying. The three of them pulled away and laughed together at their own silly jokes.

 **"You're not alone Oikawa. We're here for you. I am here for you."** Iwaizumi said.

 **"Iwa-chan.."** Oikawa wiped away his tears and hugged Iwaizumi again. Matsukawa and Hanamaki laughed at the scene since it looked like a scene from a shoujo manga but they're both males.

**FLASHBACK ENDS**

Iwaizumi's very dear to Oikawa. If possible, he doesn't want anyone else to have Iwaizumi as their close friend or whatever. He didn't want to lose him. He was scared that he will lose him and he will be left all alone in the darkness. Oikawa snapped out when he heard Iwaizumi knocking the toilet door.

**"Oi Shittykawa!!Hurry up I need to pee!"**

**"One second Iwa-chan!!"**

Oikawa pulled the doorknob and came out from the toilet. Iwaizumi didn't noticed the big plaster on Oikawa's forehead because he had an emergency to pee.

 **"Hey hey heyyy Oikawa. What's with your forehead?What happened in there?"** Bokuto asked and poked the plaster. Oikawa swiftly shoved Bokuto's fingers from poking the wound continuously and yelled at him for that.

 **"Bo-chan!!It hurts!"**

Bokuto pouted then crawled to his boyfriend who was reading a novel on the lower bunk bed. 

**"Akaaaashiii...he yelled at me.."** He complained and rested his head on Akaashi's shoulder, being the biggest baby.Without looking at Bokuto, Akaashi too, put the blame for it on him.

 **"It's your own fault, Bokuto-san."**

**"Akaaashiiiiii!!!"** Bokuto cried. Oikawa laughed and that surprised both Bokuto and Akaashi as well as Iwaizumi who just got out from the toilet. Bokuto then whispered to Akaashi,

**" I thought he was angry..."**

**" Shh, Bokuto-san"** Akaashi hushed.

 **"Sorry about that, Bo-chan. I was just tired and it did hurt when you poked it that way you know."** Oikawa said, putting his sweats on.

 **"Poke what?"** Iwaizumi asked. They all turned heads to Iwaizumi who was putting on his shoes again.

**"Oikawa-san has a big plaster on the side of his right forehead. Didn't you noticed?"**

Akaashi told Iwaizumi, flipping to the next page of his novel.

 **"What?"** Iwaizumi questioned and moved Oikawa's fringes to the side to see the plaster Akaashi had just mentioned about.

 **"Get your hands off me, Iwa-chan."** Oikawa clicked his tongue in annoyance. More like he was irritated and angry rather than annoyed. Iwaizumi was taken aback by Oikawa's sudden behaviour and lashed out at him in low tone voice.

**" 'Kaaashii..."**

**" Bokuto-san, no. Shush."** The couple whispered when they heard Iwaizumi's voice tone started lowering down. Quieter than usual. They knew that if such situation occurs, it means trouble. As if a thunderstorm is about to start.

**"I don't know what's gotten into you today, Oikawa. But I've had enough with your sudden weird behaviour today and I don't get why won't you open up about it to me.Enough!"**

**" Like you'd care. I assume you're going out to Mizuki's apartment after this and that's why you have your shoes on. Tch.Move away, I need air."** Oikawa remarked and walked out of the dorm for some air. Iwaizumi became very crossed and upset at the same time and stormed his way out from their dorm. He slammed the door behind and Oikawa watched as his best friend ran out the gate.

Bokuto and Akaashi looked at each other for what had just happened in their dorm.

**" I guess we're in trouble...."** Bokuto said.

 **"Have this happened before?"** Akaashi questioned Bokuto. Bokuto shook his head and told Akaashi,

**"No, not really. But until Mizuki showed up. But...the three of them are close..I don't get it."**

Akaashi then put away his novel and thought to himself. It was as if he knew what just happened.

 ** _'So..I see why..'_ **Akaashi thought to himself.

**_//"You can't keep on acting like that, Oikawa-san."//_** Kageyama said on the phone.

_**//"And why is that, Tobio-chan?"//** _

_**//"Because I don't want you to end up like me.."//** _

Oikawa's eyes widened when he heard Kageyama's reason of being concerned about him. Again, his chest was hurting. The summer wind blew while Oikawa stared into the starry night sky. He noticed Iwaizumi had just got back after hours of running away from their dorm to Mizuki's apartment.

**_//" I'll call you again later, Tobio-chan. He's back."//_ **

Oikawa hung up and put his phone into his pocket before walking back into the dorm before Iwaizumi could spot him there. He pulled the blanket to cover himself and pretended to sleep since it was kinda late. Bokuto and Akaashi were already sound asleep on the lower bunk bed, hugging onto each other. Oikawa thought it was cute and captured a picture of them.Iwaizumi entered the dorm but he didn't switched on the lights. Oikawa heard his footsteps walking towards the door of their bedroom which the four of them shared and closed his eyes. He heard Iwaizumi sat on his bed below his. Incoming iMessages notifications filling the room. Suddenly, Iwaizumi's phone rang and he picked it up, not knowing that Oikawa was still awake at that hour.

_**//"Mizuki?Why'd you call?"//** _

_**//"Nothing. I just wanted to know if Oikawa is okay.."//** _

Iwaizumi looked up at Oikawa who he assumed was sleeping peacefully.

_**//" He's asleep. Maybe he's on his period."//** _

Iwaizumi laughed. Mizuki laughed as welland Oikawa could hear her because apparently it was a video call. Facetime.

_**//"Do you want me to switch on the lights?You can see my face better then.."//** _

_**//"It's fine. Wouldn't wanna wake them up there..Hey..Hajime."//** _Mizuki called.

_**//"Yeah, Mizuki?"//** _

_**//" Are you planning on to tell Oikawa about it..?"//** _

Mizuki's question froze Oikawa.

 ** _'Tell me?Tell me about what?'_** Oikawa thought to himself.

**_//"No..not yet. It's okay. He'll find out soon or..one day.Now go to bed, Mizuki. It's late."//_ **

**_'What are they talking about?'_ **Oikawa questioned himself. He didn't want to stress over it and forced himself to sleep.

** The Next Day; **

Oikawa woke up and washed his face in the toilet. He looked out the window and spotted Iwaizumi running towards the gate. Again. He thought. He tried waking up Akaashi and Bokuto from sleep to ask them join him for a jog.

**"Wake up, love birds. Just because I'm fine with this doesn't mean you two can leave me alone like this."** Oikawa said, smacking Bokuto's butt. Bokuto woke up immediately by the smack and whined about it at Akaashi who also woke up right after Bokuto.

**"Akaashiii!!Oikawa is a pervert. He touched my cake!!"**

**" Bo-chan you little—"** Before Oikawa could smack Bokuto on the shoulder, Akaashi held Oikawa's hands from touching Bokuto.

 **"Oikawa-san, my apologies but it's inappropriate for you to do that to my boyfriend."** Then he turned to his boyfriend. **"And Bokuto-san, you don't have to complain like a baby. Because I will not let anyone touch you that way."**

 **"Akaashi.."** Bokuto said.

 **"Bokuto-san.."** Akaashi replied and they looked into each other's eyes when Bokuto was touched by Akaashi's words.

 **"For fuck's sake. I need a pail. A bucket. Or a plastic bag I need to puke."** Oikawa said while walking away, showing gestures of a person who wanted to throw up. Oikawa laughed after that and asked them to tag along with him for a morning jog.

 **" You're just jealous because you're single and I have the world. The world is Akaashi!My world."** Bokuto said, sticking a tongue out at Oikawa. Akaashi laughed and flicked Bokuto's forehead.

 **" And now I'm wondering which one of you is the top?Is it Akaashi?"** Oikawa asked, while brushing his teeth.

 **"I'm neither a top or a bottom, Oikawa-san. I'm a switch. And Bokuto-san is a top."**

**"But if you're a switch, that means Bo-chan should be a switch too."** Oikawa said.

 **"True."** Akaashi smiled. Bokuto was embarrassed when the two started talking about their sexual positions and he was flushed.

 **" Hey hey hey you two!!S-stop talking about that. And I'm not going for a jog. I'm gonna sleep!"** Bokuto stuttered.

 **" Then I'll go. I need to stay fit, Bokuto-san."** Akaashi told Bokuto as his stood up to get his towel. Bokuto lied down on his bed again to continue his slumber.

 **"Hey Akaashi, don't shower too long. We're going to the hot spring for energy refreshing right after."** Oikawa reminded. Akaashi nodded and went for a short shower.

**"Bokuto-san, are you sure you want to stay here?"**

**"Yeah. But as long as Oikawa doesn't touch you, I'm good."** Bokuto said in a sleepy voice. Akaashi then pecked Bokuto's forehead before leaving the dorm.

While Oikawa and Akaashi were jogging around the neighbourhood not far from the college, they passed by a park and decided to take rest and stop there. Akaashi noticed that Oikawa had been spacing out and staring at a specific corner when they arrived at the park. He glanced at the direction where he was looking at. It was where Iwaizumi and Mizuki were exercising.

 **"Oikawa-san."** Akaashi called.

 **"Iwa-chan wants to be an athlete trainer you know?"** Oikawa smiled, without even looking at Akaashi. Akaashi wiped off his sweat dripping from his short black hair. As they were staring at the two lovebirds, a group of freshmen boys jogged pass by both him and Akaashi saying negative comments about Oikawa.

**"Hey isn't that Oikawa from Seijoh?He was in the same highschool as you right??And who's that dude with the short hair next to him?"**

**"Heh. Probably a new friend."**

**"What?Wow. Iwaizumi, his best friend you told me before must have gotten tired of him. Pftt, how boring!"**

The boys laughed loudly on purpose because they knew Oikawa could hear them. Akaashi was irritated and thought that they were rude as hell to be commenting such thing whilst passing by Oikawa himself.

 **"It's okay, Akaashi. I'm used to it. Now let's go to the hot spring?I'm tired.."** Oikawa smiled at Akaashi but Akaashi noticed how hard Oikawa clenched his fists. Akaashi nodded and followed Oikawa. He didn't know what to say at that moment but he was upset to see him like that. He may have not known Oikawa for a long time but he knew that Oikawa had always been suffering on the inside judging by the way he was then.

•

•

 **"Stop it Hajime!It tickles!!** " Mizuki laughed when Iwaizumi tickled her on the stomach.

 **"That's what you get for teasing me."**

They both continued tickling each other and Mizuki tripped. Iwaizumi caught her body before she touched the ground and stared into each other's eyes. Mizuki smiled and held both of Iwaizumi's hands.

**"Hajime..talk to Oikawa.."**

Iwaizumi looked away, breaking the eye contact.

 **"Hajime.."** Mizuki called and pulled Iwaizumi's chin. Iwaizumi sighed and squeezed Mizuki's small hands.

**"Okay..but I won't tell him about it..at least not now..not yet.."**

**"It's fine then, as long as you talk to him okay?Apologise to him. You know how he is. He's your bestfriend and he's like an older brother to me."**

Iwaizumi then nodded and walked Mizuki back to her apartment.

** At The Hotspring; **

The water was hot, warm enough to restore people's energy. Especially after a tiring day

or activity. It could also mitigates the stressful minds of people. A simple getaway.

 **"Warm!!!"** Oikawa exclaimed excitedly. Akaashi smiled and nodded to Oikawa's statement.

 **"You know Akaashi, I used to go here with Iwa-chan a lot ever since we entered college together."** Oikawa stated.

 **" I see."** Akaashi simply replied. It's not that he was rude or anything, that's just how Akaashi always is.

 **"But now that he spends more time with Mizuki..I guess I'm kinda bored. At least I have you and Bo-chan with me, heh."** Oikawa giggled and splashed the water towards Akaashi. Akaashi splashed back the water at him and step out from the hot spring after putting a towel around his waist. And so did Oikawa.

 **"Hey Oikawa-san do you want to go for a stroll at the mall?I want to buy extra blazers for my presentation lectures."** Akaashi said, zipping up his jacket. He heard Oikawa finished zipping up his own jacket and a thud sound. **"Oikawa-san?"** Akaashi turned around and his eyes widened when he witnessed Oikawa collapsing onto the ground.

**"Oikawa-san?Oikawa-san??!Oikawa-san!!"** Akaashi called out aloud, shaking Oikawa's stiff body. Weird, he thought. He was just fine before. Akaashi shouted for help from the authorities there and called an ambulance immediately. Akaashi tried calling Iwaizumi but he didn't pick up for several times.

**"Shit!!"** Akaashi cursed. He had no choice but to call Bokuto instead.Akaashi explained to Bokuto briefly about what happenedand had asked Bokuto to look for Iwaizumi to come to the hospital immediately. Bokuto understood his boyfriend and quickly changed into a simple day outfit.

**"I'm back."** Iwaizumi said as he opened the front door.

 **" Goodness thank God you're back I don't have to look for you, Hajime!!"** Bokuto gasped and pulled Iwaizumi's hand to follow him into his car.

 **"Wait what?Why?Kou, where are we going?!"** Iwaizumi yelled in annoyance and shoved his hands from Bokuto's grip.

Bokuto slapped Iwaizumi a little bit and yelled at him seriously. It was very unusual for Bokuto to yell at people like that.

 **" I'm not stupid to drag you in all of a sudden like this, Hajime!!Your best friend collapsed at thehotspring and now he's at the hospital with Akaashi right now!!"**

Iwaizumi's olive eyes widened. Taken aback, Iwaizumi fell speechless. Bokuto without wasting time, pulled Iwaizumi into his car.

•

•

 **"AKAASHIII!!"** Iwaizumi called for Akaashi and he and Bokuto arrived an hour later.

 **"Calm down, Iwaizumi-san. Oikawa-san is awake now but he's still kind of weak." "Where is he?"** Iwaizumi asked.

 **"Ward 207"**. Iwaizumi then left Akaashi and Bokuto at the hospital lobby to visit Oikawa. He rushed to ward 207 and entered. He was relieved to see Oikawa sitting on the hospital bed, eating his favourite food which is milkbread bought by Akaashi while he passed out. Iwaizumi hugged Oikawa tightly and apologise.

 **"Shittykawa!!I'm glad you're fine. I'm sorry alright?I'm sorry for leaving you behind and not acknowledging your problems which I don't what is. I'm sorry for being angry at you.I'm not a good best friend to you, Oikawa."** Oikawa heard his voice was cracking while apogising and he pulled away.

 **"Eh?It's fine, Iwa-chan. I don't mind. It's normal that we do argue at times, right?Stop the drama Iwa-chan you look hella ugly."** Oikawa laughed. Iwaizumi flicked Oikawa's forehead and the doctor came in soon after.

**"Excuse me, sorry for interrupting your time. May I speak to Oikawa-kun alone, please?"** the female doctor said. Iwaizumi looked at Oikawa.

 **"It's okay, Iwa-chan. I'll update anything about it to you."** He patted Iwaizumi's back and Iwaizumi exited the ward.

The doctor sat on the chair next to the hospital bed with an analysis of Oikawa's health status.

As she flipped through the papers, the doctor finally inquired Oikawa.

**"Oikawa-kun, has your chest been hurting lately?And before?"**

Oikawa laced his fingers together and nodded to the doctor's inquiry.

**" And how long have this been going?"**

She asked again.

**"Well..since I was 17 years old I guess. I'm turning 20 soon. Why, doctor?"**

The doctor stopped flipping through the papers and looked at Oikawa.

**"Is there anything wrong with me doctor?"**

" **Well Oikawa-kun. You're now diagnosed with a coronary heart disease and based on our rough research on it, you've had a weak heart since birth.Were you informed?Most importantly, do avoid heavy sports such as football, baseball or volleyball."**

**"Volleyball..?"** Oikawa echoed. The doctor then nodded.

**"Yes, Oikawa-kun volleyball too."**

**"Is there a cure for this?There is right?"**

Oikawa asked, his fingers clenching the blanket.

**"I'm afraid there is no cure for this disease and I am sorry for that..also, your condition has gotten worse since you just found out about it today. I'm also afraid that you only have months left unless you're willing to let us to perform a bypass surgery on you.But we cannot guarantee on that. However, there will be treatments for you and medicines such as low-dose aspirin and others for long term.I will have the authorities contact your parents in Miyagi and inform them about the bypass surgery."**

The doctor stood up and walked out of the ward. Oikawa stared into his own palms. Unwilling to accept the fact that he is ill, dying and can no longer play volleyball.

 ** _'Why...why...why!!!'_ **

Two days after that, Oikawa finally got discharged out of the hospital. Iwaizumi and Mizuki went to pick him from the hospital since Akaashi and Bokuto were busy with their classes.

**"Mizu-chan."** Oikawa called and smiled at Mizuki who came to pick him up along with Iwaizumi.

 **"Oikawa, let's go back to my apartment. We were told that you need to eat healthier food instead of milkbread and instant noodles only. I'll cook for you!"** Mizuki said, hugging Oikawa's arms. Oikawa nodded and stuck a tongue out at Iwaizumi beside him.

 **"Mizu-chan cares about me and only me.Loser, Iwa-chan!!"** He laughed. Iwaizumi couldn't help it but laughed as well because he knew Oikawa was just messing.

 **"Whatever you say, Trashykawa. Let's go."**

They all got into Mizuki's car and Iwaizumi drove them back to Mizuki's apartment.

While driving, Iwaizumi asked Oikawa.

**"So what did she said?"**

Oikawa then turned to him.

 **"Who?"**

**"Ugh, the doctor."** Iwaizumi sighed.

Oikawa went silent for a few seconds before answering to him.

 **"Oh..nothing much actually. I was just stressed out and passed out. That's it."** He lied.

**"Then why do you have so many pills huh?"**

**"Geez. These are just beauty supplements that I bought from the beauty pharmacy at the hospital Iwa-chan. Stop checking me out!!"** Oikawa joked. But deep inside he really wished that Iwaizumi was checking him out like that.

 **"Ew. I'm straight though."** Iwaizumi rolled his eyes.

 **"Now now we're almost there boys. Cut the racket."** Mizuki laughed.

 **"Roger, Mizuki-sama!"** Oikawa laughed. They all laughed when Oikawa called Mizuki, Mizuki-sama. Oikawa stared at Mizuki who was still laughing.

 ** _'Such an angel, Mizu-chan. I can never hate you.'_** His lips curved into a sweet smile and looked away.

The three of them arrived at Mizuki's apartment and it was almost 7PM.

 **"It's kinda late...I should cook for dinner now!Hajime, will you help me at the kitchen?"** Mizuki asked Iwaizumi.

 **"Sure, my lady."** said Iwaizumi. They both walked into the kitchen together. Oikawa wanted to help too but he was restricted by Iwaizumi. He couldn't help it but eavesdrop on his best friend and Mizuki in the kitchen.

 _ **'My lady, eh?I see.'**_ **'** Oikawa thought to himself.

When he was eavesdropping them, he heard something that made his chest feel the same shocking pain and feeling like before.

**"Hajime, tell him. We can't hide this from him forever you know. He is your best friend and I believe you do care about his feelings and so do I!"** He heard Mizuki insisted.

**"I'm not ready, Mizu!I just..I don't know why.."** Iwaizumi sighed.

**_'What's this?'_** Oikawa thought and he continued to eavesdrop their discussion.

**" Hajime, he has to know about our relationship."** Mizuki said to Iwaizumi while cutting the onions. Oikawa's eyes widened. He felt like as if he just got struck by lightning.

 **"Oww!!"** Mizuki cried. Oikawa snapped out and automatically walked into the kitchen to see what happened. Mizuki accidentally cut her own finger while chopping the onions and what was worst that Oikawa saw Iwaizumi sucking the small amount of blood on Mizuki's finger caused by the cut. Again, a heart crack was heard. Mizuki noticed Oikawa's presence and rapidly pulled away her finger from Iwaizumi's mouth. Iwaizumi then turned to Oikawa in a shocking expression. They were both shocked to see him standing at the kitchen entrance.

**"Oi-Oikawa..how long have you been standing t-th-there?"** Iwaizumi asked, stuttering so bad. Afraid that Oikawa might have heard his conversation with his girlfriend.

**" I just got here.."**

**"Oh!Do you need anything?"** Mizuki asked nervously but still looking directly into Oikawa's eyes. Oikawa nodded and told them that he was about to ask Mizuki where the toilet is. He lied. He heard every single thing.

 **"I see. From the kitchen entrance you just walk straight and turn left. You'll find the toilet."** Mizuki directed. Oikawa nodded and proceeded to the toilet. He locked the toilet door behind him and stared into the mirror again. Without him realising it, tears starting to fall from his brown eyes. He wiped off his tears but they kept falling even heavier.

 **"Why am I crying...?"** He whispered to himself, still wiping the non-stop flowing tears. He opened the pipe at maximum and washed his face so he'd stop crying but he didn't. He couldn't. In the end, he kept crying, his cries got louder as more tears rolled down. He covered his mouth so that they couldn't hear him. He flushed the toilet twice so the sound of the toilet flushing will cover his cries. Once again then, Kageyama's words echoed in his mind again and again.

_**" Do you..love him..Oikawa-san?"** _

Oikawa shut both of his ears with his hands, crying silently as he was afraid Mizuki and Iwaizumi would hear him. He fell on his knees in the toilet.

 ** _'No!No!It's not supposed to be like this, no!!—Why do I love him??!!'_**

Oikawa screamed. He screamed in his heart. Of course he couldn't scream it out aloud at that moment. He couldn't accept the fact that he was not straight and in love with his own best friend whom he had just found out that he has a girlfriend. He was scared. Scared that he will lose Iwaizumi soon if he finds out about his feelings for him. Scared that Iwaizumi will leave him all alone again. He couldn't imagine his world without him. Flashbacks of people insulting him and mocking him kept coming back to his mind. He cried and cried but no one heard him. He was in severe depression. Minutes after, Oikawa stood up and washed his face. He closed off the pipe and wiped his face with a face towel. He walked out the toilet humming a song called _Heather by Conan Gray_ and entered the kitchen. He had no idea why was he humming to that song.

 **"Wahh!!Smells good!!"** Oikawa exclaimed when he sniffed the soup on the dining table.

Mizuki then giggled and ruffled Oikawa's hair.

**"That's my family's special soup recipe. Kazane's Family Mushroom soup with dried herbs and edible flowers along with dried Kimcham!!Special for you, Oikawa."**

**"Really??Thank you, Mizu-chan!!!"** Oikawa faked a cry and hugged Mizuki. Indeed, she was the nicest girl to him. And he never wanted to lose her either. At least that's what he thought. He didn't want to lose the both of them. And on that one summer night, Oikawa finallyrealised of his own feelings towards his best friend.

 ** _'Yes, Tobio-chan. I love him.'_** Oikawa thought to himself.

That night, Oikawa slept in Mizuki's room because there weren't any other room in her apartment. Mizuki and Iwaizumi slept in the living room because they didn't want to bother Oikawa. Were they?Oikawa couldn't sleep that night and decided to check up on Iwaizumi whether he was still awake or not. 

**"Iwa-chan..?"** Oikawa called in a low voice. Oikawa stopped calling for Iwaizumi when he heard Mizuki's giggle coming from the living room. Oikawa peeked through the curtains at the entrance of the living room and his eyes widened when he saw the man he love was kissing another girl's neck.

**"Hajime, stop it. My giggles will wake Oikawa up!"** Mizuki giggled because it was very ticklish. Iwaizumi pulled away and whined.

**" Fine then, I'll tell him about our relationship if he wakes up to find us making out."**

**"Really?You may continue then."** Mizuki laughed and pulled Iwaizumi into a kiss. Oikawa felt another piece of his heart fell again from the crack. He walked back into the room and pulled the blanket to cover his whole body. As he listened to the sound of giggles and laughter from the living room next door to the bedroom, he cried silently. It was painful. Even more painful that then had realised about his own feelings. He curled himself and cried himself to sleep without knowing it.

The next morning, Iwaizumi woke him up to get back to their dorm.

**"Oi, Shittykawa. Wake up. We need to get back to college. And hurry up, Mizuki's got morning lecture."** Oikawa refused to get up immediately because he knew his eyes were swollen, sore due to excessive crying during the night and he didn't want Iwaizumi to see that.

**"Oikawa!!Tch!"** Iwaizumi said and pulled the blanket off Oikawa. Iwaizumi noticed his swollen eyes and pulled Oikawa's face to face him.

 **"Oi...were you crying the whole night..?"** He asked. Oikawa's eyes were half lidded and he shoved away Iwaizumi's hands.

 **" I'm sleepy Iwa-chan."** He said and walked to the toilet to wash his face and took a short shower after ignoring Iwaizumi's question. Iwaizumi didn't want to pressure him on that after the argument they had before.

** Back at College; **

Oikawa's face was smashed with creamy cupcake by Bokuto and Akaashi when he stepped into his dorm.

**" HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY AND SPEEDY RECOVERY, GRAND KING!!"**

Both Bokuto and Akaashi wished.

**"What?"**

**"Happy birthday, Oikawa."** Iwaizumi wished and hugged Oikawa from behind. Oikawa blushed and pulled away slowly because he was gay panicking. After realising of his own feelings, it felt weird to have his best friend hug him that way.

 **"I-I don't remember it..T-thank you..guys."** Oikawa thanked them and viewed and iMessage from Mizuki.

_" Yohoo!~ ^o^ Oikawa!!Happy 20th birthday!!🤩Sorry that I can't be there along with the others but please consider the soup I made last night as your birthday gift! XX, Mizu-chan!💗 "_

Oikawa smiled widely whilst reading the birthday wish text he received from Mizuki through iMessage. They all then celebrated Oikawa's birthday in the dorm and since they all had no classes at all on that day.

It was already 4PM in the evening and Oikawa decided to give his junior a call to update him about his feelings before.

_**//"Yohoo!Tobio-chan!!How are you doing?"//** _

_**//"I'm fine, Oikawa-san. Why'd call me?Coincidentally, our practice got cancelled today so I'm heading to Tokyo with Hinata."//** _

_**//"Tokyo?But it's school week."//** _

_**//"It is but we're on school holidays now.You probably forgot since you graduated."//** _

_**//"I see. Sorry about that. So, do you wanna hang out tonight?I have updates tho."//** _

_**//"Sure. I'll be at the theme park maybe around 8PM or earlier. I'll hit you up later, Oikawa-san."//** _

_**//"Got that!See you soon, Tobio-chan."//** _

They both hung up and when Oikawa turned around he saw Akaashi holding his medicine pouch.

**"Oikawa-san..I assume this pouch is yours..these medicines..your name's written on each packets and bottles.."**

Akaashi stated while handing in the pouch to Oikawa.

**"My, my,, Akaashi...It's not nice to look through other people's stuff don't you think?"** Oikawa leered and hid the pouch behind him.

**"I happened to spot them under your bunk bed. I thought you might've dropped it or anything..—but, does Iwaizumi-san know about this?"** Akaashi asked eagerly. The summer wind blew and it was bit cold, birds chirping.

**"No. And from now on, I'm trusting you to keep this matter as a secret. Please, Akaashi."**

Oikawa whispered softly right before Akaashi's ears and walked back into their dorm saying how cold the wind blew a second ago.

**"Eeekk!!The wind just now's cold right, Akaashi?Weird heh."**

Akaashi clenched his fists. He couldn't bare to see a cheerful person like Oikawa to be hiding all of his pain behind a smile and a laughter.Keeping all the sorrow to himself.

**"Bo-chan. I'm meeting up with Hinata and Tobio tonight at the theme park. Wanna tag along with your boyfriend?"** Oikawa offered Bokuto and took away Bokuto's phone from his hands.

**"Oikawaaaa!!Give my phone back!"**

**" Not until you answer me."** Oikawa smirked.

 **"Fine, fine. I'll tag along. But just because I want to see Hinata. And have night date with Akaashi."** Bokuto said and lowered down his volume when he mentioned about a night date with Akaashi.

**"Fine by me."**

•

•

Oikawa, Akaashi and Bokuto went to the theme together to meet up with Kageyama and Hinata. Bokuto and Akaashi immediately hugged Hinata when they spotted him.

 **"Nekoma's setter?"** Bokuto said, looking at Kenma who was holding hands with Hinata.He ignored Bokuto and greeted Akaashi alone instead.

 **"Akaashi." "Kozume-kun."**

They bowed to each other and Bokuto was lost. He had no idea or any clue why was Kenma holding hands with his disciple.

 **"Wait a minute...Are you two dating?"** Bokuto asked. They all turned their gazes at him and Kenma laughed.

 **"You're right, Papa Owl. I guess I can call you that now since I'm dating your adoptive crow son."** Kenma smiled. Soon after that, Kenma and Hinata went separate ways and same goes to Akaashi and Bokuto. Couples they say. Of course they're on a night date. Oikawa and Kageyama went to the vending machine to get boxed milk and sat down on the fancy bench nearby the Ferris Wheel.

**"So Tobio-chan. How's it going for you?"**

Oikawa asked, putting the empty milk box to his side and looked up the sky. Kageyama stopped sipping his favourite drink for a second and asked Oikawa back.

**"Shouldn't I be the one asking you that?You said you have updates."**

**"Ah, right. I almost forgot. So here, Tobio-chan. Let me get straight to the point. To answer your question before, yes, I'm in love with Iwa-chan and I just realised it."**

**"Okay."** Kageyema replied and continued sipping his milk. Oikawa slapped Kageyama's head for reacting simply without any emotion nor expression.

**"Geez. You're so boring. Anyway Tobio-chan..do you think I'm a bottom or a top?Probably a top because I'm handsome?"** There. Oikawa switched into narcissistic mode. Kageyama laughed and told him that he was a bottom which somehow made Oikawa annoyed.

**"Happy birthday, Oikawa-san."**

**"Lameee but thanks."** He said.

A few hours had passed since they started strolling around the theme park. Hinata decided to sleepover at Kenma's private apartment which then he left Kageyama alone. Then, Oikawa offered him to sleepover at their dorm instead since the owl couple doesn't mind. While walking to the parking lot , Oikawa asked Kageyama.

**"Hey, does it hurt?"**

Kageyema stopped and looked at Oikawa.

**"You mean..seeing Hinata with Kenma?"**

Oikawa nodded and they both continued walking under the moonlight along with Bokuto and Akaashi ahead of them.

 **"Yeah but..none can do. It was my fault for doing it the wrong way and kept things to myself so..I don't have the right to be jealous that much I guess."** Kageyama explained while smiling. Oikawa didn't reply to Kageyama's explanation. Instead, he was thinking to himself whether will such thing happen between him and Iwaizumi.

-

-

**"We're here. Welcome, Kageyama-kun."**

Akaashi greeted. Kageyama looked around and was kind of excited to see how clean the college was and the dorm there was cleaner than any places he had gone to before.

 **"Damn it, guys. I forgot the keys..sorry .."** Bokuto apologised and pulled back his hair.

 **"It's fine, I know how to pick the door.Does anybody have a pin or a bobby hair clip?"** Oikawa asked. Bokuto and Akaashi looked at each other, surprised that Oikawa could do that.

 **"Here, Oikawa-san. Kenma dropped his bobby hair clip the other day and I forgot to return it to him."** Kageyama said while handing over the bobby hair clip to Oikawa.

One final step, Oikawa kicked the door a bit so it would open.

 **"Mizu-chan's shoes?** " Oikawa said as he pointed to the white female sneakers on the shoe rack.

 **"Geh??What's she doing here?"** Bokuto questioned. Akaashi brought Kageyama inside without wasting any time whilst Oikawa entered their bedroom to have a rest after hours of strolling for nothing at the theme park.

When he opened the door, his mind went blank. Right on his 20th birthday, his best friend which was also his dear one, was doing the S with his other close friend, none other than Kazane Mizuki. The couple was shocked to see Oikawa standing infront of the bedroom door as they were cuddling after they did it. Oikawa knew because the couple were naked under a blanket. On Iwaizumi's lower bunk bed.

**"Oi-Oikawa..we can explain.."** Mizuki stuttered. Soon, Akaashi went to check up on Oikawa because he saw him standing for so long not entering the room.

 **"Oikawa-san is there anyt—what..what..Iwaizumi-san..?Mizu??"** Akaashi's jaw dropped. Bokuto and Kageyama went after Akaashi towards the bedroom and they all witnessed Iwaizumi Hajime under a blanket with their female friend. Oikawa snapped out and ran out of their dorm in the speed of lightning.

 **"Oikawa-san!!"** Both Akaashi and Kageyama called for him simultaneously. Akaashi ran after Oikawa as fast as he could while Kageyama stayed with Bokuto at the dorm. Bokuto flashed an irritated smile and leaned his back against the wall and crossed his hands.

**"You know, Hajime. You two could've just done it at Mizuki's apartment. Tch tch."** Bokuto clicked his tongue in annoyance.

**"Kou..I.."** Iwaizumi said then turned looking at Kageyama who was silently judging him at that moment.

**"Kageyama..it's not what it looks like..—"**

**"I was wrong...Oikawa-san has always been better than you.."** Kageyama said and left the bedroom with Bokuto. Bokuto glared at Iwaizumi and Mizuki hugged her boyfriend's arms.

**"Hajime.."**

**"I know..this is my fault..I should've told him earlier.."**

•

•

Akaashi kept up his pace running after Oikawa and shouted.

 **"Oi!!Oikawa-san!!You shouldn't be running too fast like this you'll pass out!!"** Still, Oikawa kept running.

 **"OIKAWA-SAN!!"** Akaashi caught up with him and pulled both of Oikawa's shoulders to make him stopped running. Oikawa fell onto the ground and Akaashi helped him up.

**"Oikawa-san.."** Akaashi called, panting next to Oikawa. Akaashi turned to Oikawa and his half lidded eyes widened when he saw Oikaw crying.

**"Oikawa-san..you.."**

**"It hurts, Akaashi. It hurts.."** Oikawa cried, curled to hug himself. Akaashi moved closer and gave Oikawa a friendly comforting hug saying things thats should be able to calm Oikawa down.

 **"I know everything from the start, Oikawa-san. You don't have to story tell it..I know..now let's get back to the dorm, alright?"** Oikawa then nodded and followed Akaashi back to their dorm. When the two arrived back there, Iwaizumi and Mizuki were already dressed as usual and Bokuto was sitting on the floor next to Kageyama. Akaashi closed the door behind him and sat beside Oikawa on the couch. Bokuto tapped the coffee table a few times within the dismal awkward silence in that dorm.

**"Now,Hajime..explain to us. To your best friend and your junior who happened to be here as well tonight."** Bokuto said seriously.

Mizuki didn't dare to lift up her head and instead, Iwaizumi was the one who explained everything.

**"Mizuki and I..have been in a relationship..for quite some time now..and..we didn't want it to be public. And we didn't want Oikawa to feel like he was left out alone if he knew that we're in a relationship.."** Iwaizumi explained.

Akaashi clicked his tongue and looked directly into Iwaizumi's eyes right after asking Mizuki to lift up her head.

**"So how would you feel like if Oikawa-san does the same thing to you?"** Akaashi asked. Iwaizumi wanted to answer that but he was lost for words.

**"As expected."** Bokuto said.

Oikawa suddenly stood up and smiled.

 **"It's okay, Iwa-chan, Mizu-chan?I was just shocked. In fact, I'm actually very happy to know that my best friend is finally in love with someone!"** They were all suspicious of Oikawa's smile and laughter filling the gloomy room.

 **"It's late, Iwa-chan. You should send Mizu-chan back to her apartment. I'm going to take a long bath."** Oikawa said and walked into the toilet with his towel on his shoulder humming the song Heather again.

Since Oikawa said that, everyone seemed to forget about everything and moved on doing their own things. But they all knew it wasn't good. Iwaizumi exited the dorm with Mizuki and drove her home. Akaashi knocked the toilet door bringing his medicine pouch.

 **"Oikawa-san. It's me, Akaashi.Can you open the door?"** Oikawa didn't answer so Akaashi twisted the knob and found that it wasn't locked the whole time. Akaashi walked in and spotted Oikawa sitting in the dry and empty bathtub. Akaashi kneeled down and hand over Oikawa's medicine pouch.

**" Make sure you take your medicine, Oikawa-san."** Akaashi reminded and then also handed Oikawa a glass of water which Oikawa took.

 **" You wouldn't want them to see you eating so many medicines right?So here is fine I guess."**

Oikawa didn't really respond and just nodded after taking all of his medication pills at once. There were about 7 pills overall excluding paracetamols and sleeping pills.

**"Akaashi..I'm tired.. I want to sleep.."**

Oikawa said sleepily and walked out of the toilet. He didn't even bathe though. Akaashi smiled and the put Oikawa to bed. He was exhausted and too sleepy that he just dragged his body to Bokuto's bed instead. Akaashi put the blanket on him and switched off the lights before heading out of the bedroom.

**"How's he?"** Bokuto asked while eating his instant noodle. Akaashi took the chopsticks from his boyfriend and ate from the same instant noodle cup.

**"He's fine for now. I let him sleep on your bed because he was too sleepy to climb up on his own."**

**"Akaaashiiii..where are we supposed to sleep then?"** Bokuto pouted and it seemed like his hair also went down just like his mood.

**"Silly, Bo-chan. We can sleep here and watch Netflix on the laptop after this."** Akaashi stated and wiped Bokuto's lower lip with a tissue because he had ramen soup on it. Usually Akaashi's would've licked it or kiss Bokuto for it but Kageyama was there and he thought it would be inappropriate.

**" 'Kaaashiii!You just called me Bo-chan!!Just like Oikawa. You're so cute Akaashiii!!!"** Bokuto exclaimed excitedly and hugged Akaashi tightly.

**"Bokuto-san, an underage teenage boy is here watching us. Please control yourself, Bokuto-san."** Akaashi said as he was referring to Kageyama.

**"Now I see what Oikawa-san meant..also.. I'm not that young."** Kageyama said.

It was finally pass midnight and they were all exhausted that they fell asleep before the movie even started. Akaashi was sleeping in Bokuto's arms in the living room meanwhile Kageyama had his head on Bokuto's limbs with a little drool. Iwaizumi locked the doors and straightly went into the bedroom. He sat on the edge of Bokuto's bed and stared at his best friend who already sound asleep. Just about when Iwaizumi wanted to get up, Oikawa was talking in his sleep.

**"Iwa..Iwa-chan..don't leave me..okay..I'll buy you a collection..hah..collection of Godzilla plush.."** Iwaizumi's lips curved into a smile and giggled softly seeing Oikawa talking in his sleep.

•

•

**The next day;**

**"Oikawa!!Shittykawa!!Wake up!!"** Iwaizumi shook Oikawa's body to wake him up.Oikawa got up immediately and yawned.

**"What time is it...?"**

**"It's nine in the morning, Shittykawa."** Iwaizumi answered. Oikawa then hopped out from Bokuto's bed and bolted into the toilet for a quick shower.

 **"I'M LATE FOR MORNING LECTURE IWA-CHAN WHY DIDN'T YOU WAKE ME UP??"** Oikawa yelled from the toilet.

 **"How am I supposed to know, Trashykawa?!You were the one who were dead asleep!!Idiot!!"** Iwaizumi yelled back. They acted normally, just like back in those days where there were only the two of them without Mizuki getting in the way. Bokuto and Akaashi had already left earlier for their morning lectures meanwhile Kageyama was fetched by Hinata and Kenma around 6AM.

As Oikawa and Iwaizumi walked heading to their classes, Mizuki passed by rushing and caught their attentions.

 **"Why is Mizu-chan such in a hurry I wonder.."** Oikawa said to Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi scratched the back of his head and said,

 **"I don't know man..But she's always beautiful no matter what or when."** Iwaizumi's eyes were glued on Mizuki as she walks by, every single time. Oikawa's sore eyes from crying too much before, looked onto his shoes for a second but looked up at Iwaizumi again so he wouldn't feel the negative vibes.

 **"Someone is lovesick I see!!"** Oikawa teased.

 **"Shut up, Shittykawa. You're just jealous!!Get a girlfriend."** Iwaizumi told Oikawa. Oikawa didn't respond but he did thought something to himself with a smile formed on his lips.

 ** _'I am jealous, Iwa-chan. But nothing can be done.'_**

The both of them entered their lectures and everything went well. Until it was the lecture before lunch hour. Oikawa was sweating cold sweats although the class was provided with six air conditioners. He squeezed his chest because it was hurting. His chest wasn't the problem. His heart was. Iwaizumi who was sitting next to him, noticed that Oikawa had been keeping his head down for two hours straight since the lecture started. He was worried sick about him and raised up his hand to inform their lecturer. But the head lecturer came and their lecturer went outside of the class to talk to the head lecturer. Not long after that, the lecturer came back and called for Oikawa.

 **"Oikawa Tooru, your parents are here to see you. You are excused."** Oikawa's chest felt better and he managed to walk out from the class without any problem. As if he wasn't in pain.

**"Dad...wait, where's mom?"** Oikawa asked his father after pulling away from a sudden tight hug. Oikawa looked around to look for his mother but she wasn't there. His father begun to frown a little bit and that made Oikawa asked his father again.And his father answered to him.

 **"She's...at home."** He answered to his son.

Oikawa was blank.

**"Then why'd you look so sad?"**

**"It's because she's sad..she couldn't face you..knowing that her son is very ill."**

Oikawa leaned against the wall and his father spoke up regarding his bypass surgery in Autumn.

**"I don't want it.It's only a fifty-fifty chance."** Bold of Oikawa to voice out to his father saying that he refuse to go through the bypass surgery as if he had wished to die.

**"Tooru..what are you talking about?What about your future?Your dream to be a professional volleyball player?You can't just leave your mother.."** His father pleaded.

At that moment, Oikawa didn't care about volleyball anymore. The doctor had already warned him that he should avoid heavy sports and that includes volleyball. He no longer aim for anything. He can no longer see the colours in his life, his surroundings became black and white. **_Grey and colourless._** But he was moved when his father mentioned of his mother. He loved his mother more than he loved anybody else. Oikawa sighed and finally agreed to his father to go through the bypass surgery.

When Oikawa exited the counselling room where he met his father at, he panicked to see Iwaizumi standing outside.

**"Iwa-chan. How long have you been here?"**

Oikawa asked.

 **"Quit the happy act, Oikawa. What's the bypass surgery for?"** Iwaizumi asked without even looking at Oikawa. He was slightly kicking the air at the edge of his vans. Oikawa was lost for words.

**"It's a.."**

**"Don't lie to me. I know you've been hiding something from me. Spill. Lunch hour is almost over, idiot."**

**"It's my surgery. I'm diagnosed with coronary heart disease."**

**"Oikawa you—"**

**"Come on Iwa-chan. I'm kind of hungry right now. I want milk bread."** Oikawa smiled and pulled Iwaizumi heading to college cafeteria together.

While chewing his milk bread Iwaizumi bought for him, he sang _Heather_ againin an undertone.

 **"Tch. Why do you keep humming and singing that song. It's a love song you know."** Iwaizumi said, clicking his tongue hard.

**"Really?Love song?I see. I don't know though. Maybe because it's a hit song on TikTok nowadays."**

**"Or maybe you're in love with someone but it's unrequited."** Iwaizumi teased and elbowed his best friend.Oikawa's face was flushed and stuttered when Iwaizumi teased him.

**"W-what?!Nn-no way!!It's j-just a good-good s-song!!"** He was stuttering so bad that Iwaizumi teased him even more.

**"Yeah right. Gonna tell Akaashi and Kou too later so we all can tease you. Shittykawa is in love!!"** Iwaizumi laughed. Oikawa laughed as well but little did Iwaizumi knew, he was the one Oikawa fell in love so hard with.

**"Right!I don't have anymore lectures after this. I promised Mizuki that I'll take her to the cake shop today. Care to tag along?"**

Iwaizumi offered. At first, Oikawa hesitated, he didn't want to hurt himself seeing Iwaizumi and Mizuki together.

**"Mizuki misses you though."** Iwaizumi told Oikawa as he sipped his iced coffee.

Oikawa ended up on agreeing to follow them to the cake shop. He wanted to see Mizuki too. She was such an angel that Oikawa didn't have the heart to upset her by not seeing her although he was hurting inside.

A month and half had passed since the day Iwaizumi found out regarding his best friend's illness and the surgery. August came to an end and autumn was just around the corner.Oikawa, Iwaizumi and Mizuki had spent most of their times together despite the fact and reality that Oikawa still cries himself to sleep at night holding in his feelings. He wished to be Mizuki. He wished to be her. Nothing else. He knew that the surgery was a fifty-fifty guarantee and he had given up on living since then.

It happened the night before Autumn at the college lobby.

**" I'm your girlfriend, Hajime!!You can't keep on bringing Oikawa to our dates!!"**

Mizuki shouted at Iwaizumi.

 **"What is this all about?!You were the one who always wanted Oikawa to be with us so he won't feel like he's left out and now?!You're telling me that we leave him behind?!!!"** Iwaizumi shouted back at his girlfriend. The argument between the couple kept going on and on, loud shoutings and yellings towards each other covered shut by the thunderstorm that night. Little did they knew Oikawa heard the whole argument which he knew was caused by his existence between them. The moment Mizuki called Iwaizumi at such hour to meet her at the college lobby, Oikawa suspected something was definitely wrong and he decided to silently follow Iwaizumi and hid inside the janitor's store roomnot far from where Iwaizumi and Mizuki were arguing. Oikawa wanted to cry having to acknowledge that he was the cause of the couple's fight, he ruined their happiness although he knew a couple having an argument is pretty normal. His tears wouldn't come out. He had too much that his tears won't even come out when he was witnessing the fight. He was just getting in the way of other people's love story. At least that's what he thought.

**' _It's all my fault. My fault. My fault!!I'm never good enough not even good enough to myself I don't wanna live anymore!!'_**

The storm rumbles loudly and Oikawa sat down, embraced himself.

**"Oikawa is our friend, your bestfriend, I understand that Hajime and I too, love him as my own brother!!But there's a limit to everything!!"**

**"I can do that but every time I told you before that I didn't want him to follow us on our dates you would scold me for leaving him?!What do you want, Mizuki?!What?!"**

Iwaizumi panted and punched the wall.

**"Think about it, Hajime. Please. We can't keep on doing this..talk to him about it..P-please Hajime.."** Mizuki's final sentence were slow. Her voice cracked. Oikawa soon heard that Mizuki was crying and left Iwaizumi there.

**"Mizu!!"** Iwaizumi called and ran after her. The thunder rumbled again and Oikawa walked back to their dorm. He received a phone call from Akaashi. It was only 11PM and Akaashi was probably worried about him going out. He was like a mother figure to Oikawa. Sounds funny but it's true. Oikawa picked up the phone. His phone wasn't waterproof but he didn't care anymore.

**_//"Oikawa-san?Where are you?Are you outside?There's a bad thunderstorm out there. You'll catch a cold please tell me your current location Oikawa-san. I will ask Bokuto-san to pick you up. Oikawa-san??"//_ **

_**//"Coll...ege..lobby..."//** _

Oikawa's phone shut down on it's own due to the heavy rain and thunderstorm. He dropped his phone onto the ground and walked around the college's garden. Despite the rain and his blurry eyesight, he could still see the beauty of the garden at night. He lifted his head upto the sky with his eyes closed. Feeling the rain on himself.

Oikawa screamed. He fell on his knees, clenched the grass and he fell unconscious as everything got blurry for him. He was drowning deep into the darkness. A thud sound wasn't heard due to the thunder.

**"OIKAWA!!"** Bokuto called when he spotted Oikawa's body on the grass. He went to look for him around the college. The college'sa large place to begin with. He looked everywhere and found him lying unconscious. Bokuto was strong enough to bring back Oikawa back to their dorm alone.

Bokuto shouted from the outside for Akaashi to open the door. But it wasn't Akaashi who opened the door. It was Iwaizumi and then Akaashi came behind him.

**"Kou?Wh—Hold on. What happened?"**

**"There's no time for that, Hajime!"** Bokuto said and quickly brought Oikawa into their bedroom and lay him down on Iwaizumi's bed. Iwaizumi panicked. He got the feeling that Oikawa heard of his argument with Mizuki and walked in the thunderstorm. 

**"Everyone get out."** Akaashi insisted whilst he was changing Oikawa's outfit to a dry one. Bokuto pulled Iwaizumi out from their bedroom and slammed him against the wall.

**"Oi!! Kou!!"** Iwaizumi gasped.He was indeed taken aback by Bokuto's action. Bokuto isn't really the type to get mad at people.

**"I assume this has something to do with you."**

**"What?No. What are you talking about?"**

Iwaizumi asked. Bokuto let go of his collar and sighed.

**"He's in love with you. How can you be so dense, Hajime.."**

Iwaizumi stood up straight and fixed his posture. He couldn't believe it.

**"In love with me..?But—"**

Iwaizumi was cut off by Bokuto again.

 **"Yes, Hajime. You were blind. Imagine how he felt when the three of you spent so much time together before and he was holding back his pain. We gave you hints but you took them as a joke, saying that Oikawa can never love because how picky he is for a love interest. Our hints weren't jokes, Hajime. We tried but you, never take it seriously. We hinted because we wanted you to at least acknowledge his feelings for you and do the right thing even if you can't return the same feeling..."** Bokuto then walked into their small kitchen and shut the door. Iwaizumi could only be angry at himself for being so dense and never taking things seriously before. Iwaizumi punched the wall, guilt filling him up full. He wasn't over the fight he had with Mizuki and now Oikawa. How is he supposed to face them both.

•

•

After changing Oikawa's clothes, Akaashi put a small folded towel on Oikawa's forehead which he soaked with warm water before that. He pulled up the blanket and added another one of his own to cover Oikawa's body. So he wouldn't feel cold. He turned off the air conditioner and turned on the heater instead. He ran his fingers through Oikawa's skin, touching his cheeks and held his fingers. Oikawa's fingers and feet were cold as ice and his face and body was heating up. He caught a fever easily since his body was already weakened by his own illness.

Akaashi closed the door and went straight to their kitchen to cook porridge and plain ginger soup for Oikawa. For him to eat once he wakes up in morning and both Bokuto and Akaashi ghosted Iwaizumi until the next day.

**"Bokuto-san. Do you think everything will be fine? This is honestly kind of shocking to me."** Akaashi confessed and stopped chopping the baby carrots. Bokuto turned off the sink pipe and and held Akaashi's hands which were bigger than his.

**"It's okay, Akaashi. Everything will be just fine. We just need to keep our prayers still, right?"** Bokuto comforted Akaashi and pulled him into a loving embrace. Akaashi cried for the first time in their dorm. It wasn't loud but quite litres of tears streaked on his face and he covered his eyes with one hand whilst Bokuto hugged him from behind. He felt guilty because he was the one who knew everything more than anyone else does about Oikawa.

The next day, on the first day of Autumn. Oikawa woke up, eyes were only half opened. He removed the towel Akaashi had placed on his forehead the night before and sat up. He looked around and found himself on Iwaizumi's bed and his pyjamas. He tried remembering what happened but he couldn't. His memories were getting bad. He heard the front door knob twisted and Iwaizumi walked in their bedroom.

**"Oikawa. You're awake."** Iwaizumi said, placing a plastic of milk bread be bought for Oikawa on the study table and sat on his bed next to Oikawa.

 **"Iwa-chan..what time is it?"** Oikawa asked and turned his gaze looking outside of the window. It was only the first day of Autumn and it was raining though lightly.

**"It's 20 minutes to 12 in the afternoon. And before you ask, no. I don't have any class today. So I'm taking care of you."**

**"Take care of me?"**

**"Exactly. You have a fever and it's quite bad. So are you hungry?You must be. Here, let me put this on you."** Iwaizumi said and walked to Oikawa as he put on his sweater on Oikawa to make him feel warmer.Oikawa didn't have the will and energy to respond so he agreed with everything.

**"My sweater looks good on you.You, stay here. I'm going to get you the soup and porridge Akaashi cooked for you lastnight. Wait!"**

A few minutes later, Iwaizumi came back from the kitchen and brought the soup along with the carrot porridge. He placed it on the table and pulled a chair so sit near Oikawa.

He stirred the porridge with the spoon and blew it softly since it was after he heated it.

**"Open your mouth, Oikawa. Say aahhh."** Iwaizumi told Oikawa as he was about feed him. Oikawa blushed because it was kind of unusual for Iwaizumi to act like that towards him. He opened his mouth and was fed by Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi clicked his tongue when he noticed soup accidentally spilt out from Oikawa's mouth when he was feeding him. Iwaizumi took a tissue and wiped the spilt soup at the corner of Oikawa's mouth. Right after Oikawa finished the bowl of porridge and soup, Iwaizumi put him to sleep andtold him to rest enough after taking his medicines. But Oikawa pulled Iwaizumi's arm and told him,

**"Don't leave me..Iwa-chan.."** Iwaizumi smiled and nodded. He lied down next to Oikawa on the bed and took Oikawa in his arms.Oikawa curled himself and said,

**"Not too close, Iwa-chan. You'll fall sick too."**

**"Nonsense, Shittykawa. Heroes don't fall sick easily."**

**"If you say so then.."**

Oikawa then wrapped his arms around Iwaizumi's waist and returned the hug. Knowing of Oikawa's feelings for him, Iwaizumi planted a peck on Oikawa's forehead once he fell asleep. He wanted to make him feel better. Suddenly, he received a text from an unknown number. It was a picture of Mizuki with a freshman called Terushima or Teru for short. Iwaizumi's eyes widened because Mizuki looked so happy and bright in that picture sent by the unknown. It wasn't just a normal happy picture. In that shot, they were only inches away from each other's faces. It looked like they were about to kiss or something.

**"Wha..what.."** Iwaizumi muttered.

Iwaizumi and Mizuki were already in bad terms after the fight and haven't talked to each other since then.

-

-

-

 **"Hey, I'm gonna go to the toilet for a while. Are you coming?"** Akaashi asked his boyfriend. Bokuto waved his hands and told him it was fine. Akaashi then bolted to the toilet to wash off the stains on his lab coat he got after their chemistry experiment. Akaashi stopped his steps and turned his gaze to the right because he heard familiar voices chuckling. More like making out kind of sounds. Akaashi kneeled and hid behind the garbage bin at the alley, peeking.

 ** _'Mizu and Teru?Again?'_ **Akaashi thought to himself. He couldn't take it. Akaashi stood up and kicked the garbage bin on purpose and walked passed Mizuki and Terushima.

 **"Find a better place."** Akaashi glared as he passed by. An irritated tone was noticeable in Akaashi's voice and reminder. Akaashi stopped walking when he heard Mizuki clicked her tongue but however, he didn't turn around.

 **"Says the one who's dating a male."** Mizuki leered. What a snake. Akaashi thought. Akaashi sighed and chuckled.

**"At least I don't cheat on my boyfriend and I'm not fake in front of his best friend."**

**"Eh?But I'm bisexual, Mizu."** Terushima interrupted and Mizuki hushed him.

**"Don't you dare to say a word to anyone about this, Keiji."**

**"Pardon?This isn't the first time, Mizuki. But you see, I'm not a sly snake like you. Don't you ever hurt or speak badly of Oikawa-san or I will not forgive you.He's blind to see you as an angel.Bastard."**

Akaashi then walked away and left those two hanging.

 **"You didn't get the stain off?"** Bokuto asked, pointing at the stains still on Akaashi's white lab coat.

Akaashi shook his head and smiled, told Bokuto that it couldn't be take off that easy.

Two weeks after that, Oikawa was fully recovered and Iwaizumi and him were back as usual. Silly quarrels and jokes without Mizuki. He was never happier. Never better. He totally cherished the moment and Iwaizumi never talked to Mizuki again even though they haven't broke up yet.

Oikawa and Iwaizumi were chilling at their dorm on that windy autumn Sunday whilst Bokuto and Akaashi went out on date.

 **"Where do you think Akaashi and Bo-chan are at right now, Iwa-chan?"** Oikawa asked, eating his large cup of chocolate chip ice cream. Iwaizumi leaned back and answered to him,

**"How am I supposed to know, Dumbkawa."**

Oikawa put his ice cream on the table and sighed to himself.

 **"I wish I have a partner so I can go on cute dates like them too..hm"** Out of blue, Iwaizumi pushed Oikawa on the floor and climbed on top of the brown haired male. Oikawa was taken aback by Iwaizumi's sudden scary action but he lowkey enjoyed it.Iwaizumi leaned closer to Oikawa's face that Oikawa could feel his hot breath under his nose.

**"Why find another partner when you can just have me with you, Shittykawa.."** Iwaizumi whispered. Oikawa grasped the fluffy black carpet in their dorm small living room and asked Iwaizumi in a stuttering voice. His face turned all red and it was obvious.

**"W-what are you doing..Iwa-chan.."**

Iwaizumi whispered softly again,

 **"You know what I'm talking about and what I'm about to do now, Oikawa. Quit the act..I know you like it when I'm on top of you like this.."** Oikawa was somehow scared of how Iwaizumi acted like. In a blink of an eye, Iwaizumi brushed his lips against Oikawa's and Oikawa returned the kiss passionately despite being shocked at the moment. The kiss lasted for minutes until Iwaizumi moved to Oikawa's neck and started leaving kiss marks, love bite bruises on his fair skinned neck. Suddenly, Oikawa pushed Iwaizumi away with force.

 **"Iwa-chan stop!"** He slightly shouted as he pushed his best friend away.

**"What's wrong?I thought you love me and..you were really enjoying it..why not?"** Iwaizumi said and tried going for Oikawa's neck again but Oikawa resisted.

**"This is wrong. Yes, I liked it and I love you with my whole heart. But I know you don't love me the way I love you..And I don't doubt that you're doing this because you're just lonely without Mizu-chan."** Oikawa said, backing away from Iwaizumi. He was right. He didn't want Iwaizumi to do that without feeling the same way as he did. He would rather die.

**"Sorry.."** Iwaizumi apologised. Honestly Iwaizumi weren't sure himself why did he kissed Oikawa. Could it be that he had fallen for him too or was it just loneliness?Who knows.Oikawa turned to him.

 **"It's fine..go talk to Mizu-chan will you?"**

**"But Oikawa—** "

 **"No buts, Iwaizumi Hajime. Talk to her. Fix your relationship. Don't worry about me. I'm fine."** Oikawa smiled as he pleaded Iwaizumi to fix his love life with Mizuki.

 **"Well then..if you say so..I'll go to her now."** Iwaizumi said and walked out of their dorm.Oikawa waved him goodbye and wished him a good luck.

-

-

Iwaizumi rushed to Mizuki's apartment to make things up with her.Aside from that, he needed to ask regarding the picture of her and Teru he received from an unknown number on the first day of Autumn. He rang the bell and Mizuki opened the door. She was excited to see her boyfriend and hugged him.

-

**"Hajime...I've missed you.."** Mizuki confessed, lying down next to Iwaizumi on her queen sized bed.Iwaizumi kissed her forehead and sat up, scrolling through his messages.

 **"Explain this, Mizu."** Iwaizumi said in a strict voice as he showed the picture. Mizuki gasped. She didn't expect someone would send that to him.Mizuki pouted and took Iwaizumi's phone, putting it on the table.Instead, she took his hands and placed them on her bare thighs. She wanted to avoid such inquiries from Iwaizumi and she knew well Iwaizumi's weakness back then. Women. Mizuki slowly pushed Iwaizumi down and brushed her lips on Iwaizumi's. Iwaizumi was lustful enough to forget about that picture at that time. Mizuki reached for Iwaizumi's phone she had put on the side table while planting kisses on his neck and deleted that message right away. Then, she stopped the explicit activity.

 **"Why are you stopping?"** Iwaizumi pouted. Mizuki cupped his face and said that she wanted to save it for later and how dense of Iwaizumi to believe her.

•

•

•

•

Right after Iwaizumi closed the door to see Mizuki, Oikawa hugged himself and sat at the corner or the living room. The lights were switched off so it was quite dark.Oikawa cried out aloud since he was alone. Again, he felt like everyone left him alone in the darkness although they didn't. It was his trauma consuming him. He had no choice. He knew it was wrong for him to fall in love with Iwaizumi whilst Iwaizumi and Mizuki are currently in a romantic normal relationship. He was always dead jealous of Hinata's and Kenma's relationship. Also Bokuto's and Akaashi's. And 'till night, he kept crying due to so many sort of pain. Trauma, depression, anxiety, his illness and his romantic feelings for his best friend. He wanted Mizuki and Iwaizumi to be happy together. And ting sound rang from his phone. He received an iMessage from Iwaizumi around 8:35PM. The lights were still off so his phone brightness was too bright. Oikawa threw his phone to the side right after he viewed Iwaizumi's message. It was a selfie of Iwaizumi and Mizuki together. And Mizuki had Iwaizumi'ssweater on her and he knew that they've made it up to each other. He was contented but devastated as well. He scrolled through his phone album. Scrolled through old pictures ofhim and Iwaizumi during their highschool days. Those days when he wasn't that ill and was pure happy. Oikawa was done with his life. He didn't have a happy family like everyone thought, he wasn't born a prodigy like Kageyama and that fact brought him to despair. His intelligence weren't enough. His hard work during highschool did not paid off since he lost to Kageyama and couldn't enter the nationals for volleyball. That time, Oikawa no longer felt that he wasn't enough. Instead, he gave up on life just like that. He doesn't want to live anymore.The thought of suicide lingers within his mind but the image of his mother and his friends appeared right before his eyes every time.

**"We're home!!"** Bokuto said, entering the along with Akaashi. Akaashi switched on the lights and was surprised to see Oikawa sitting at the corner.

 **"Oikawa, what are you doing sitting at the corner like in the dark?And you didn't turn on the heater. It's freezing in here, 'Kawaaa."** Bokuto said. Akaashi elbowed his boyfriend as a sign that he shouldn't be asking what's already obvious.

**"My bad."** Bokuto mouthed to Akaashi. Akaashi turned on the heater and told Oikawa to take a shower. How motherly of him. Oikawa listened to him and made his way to the toilet.

After a warm comforting shower, Oikawa plugged in his earpods and listened to Heather again. He lied his head down on the study table and the bedroom was pitch black. He listened to the lyrics carefully and everything fit so perfectly. He was the one who wished to be Heather in that song. He wished to be Mizuki.

' ** _I'm pathetic'_** he thought to himself and smiled lightly.

Oikawa opened the drawer and took a piece of paper and a pen. He started writing down the lyrics and a few words of his own. Right after he finished writing, he folded the paper and insert it into a green envelope before keeping it under his pillow.

**"Oikawa. Akaashi cooked dinner.Late dinner. It's not that fancy but—"**

**"I'm glad. I'll be out in a minute, Bo-chan."**

Bokuto then walked away smiling. He was glad as well that Oikawa accepted his offer to have dinner with him and Akaashi.

**"Akaashi, this taste really good!!How did made them?What's in it?—Ohh!!And this curry too. It's spicy but sweet!!"** Oikawa praised. Bokuto laughed and wrapped an arm around Akaashi.

 **"Hey hey heyyy Oikawa. This is Akaashi. He's a very good cook y'know!!And I am very proud of that. I'm glad you're enjoying dinner with us."** Bokuto told Oikawa. Akaashi couldn't really eat because he was rather worried about Oikawa. He thought that Oikawa was acting so weird and unusual. Or maybe he was just overthinking about it, he thought. Just when the three of them were talking about how good Akaashi's cooking, Iwaizumi came back home.

**"Iwa-chan, welcome back. Did you had a great time with Mizu-chan?"** Oikawa asked, the chopsticks still in his mouth. Iwaizumi was too tired yet happy so he just gave Oikawa a thumb up before dragging himself into the bedroom.

 **"So they're good now?"** Akaashi asked, picking up garlic pickles with his chopsticks and putting them into Bokuto's bowl.How cute.

**"Yeah."**

**"And are you sure you're okay with that, Oikawa-san?"** he asked again. Oikawa nodded to every single confirmation. He didn't know what else to say.

**"Excuse me, I'll head out for a while. I need to call Tobio."** Oikawa stated after washing his plate and bowl.

_**//"Hello?Yohooo!~ Tobio-chan!"//** _

_**//"Aa. Oikawa-san. It's 10:15PM. Is there anything you'd like to ask?"//** _

_**//"Nahh. Nothing actually, just wanted to talk to you. It's been a while.How are you doing?"//** _

_**//"I'm fine and everything's fine. How about you?If I am not mistaken, your surgery will be on the third of December next week."//** _

_**//"Oh yea..next week. I almost forgot that, Tobio-chan. Thank you for reminding me!!"** _

Oikawa laughed but how fake it was though.

_**//"And how are things between you and Iwaizumi-san?"//** _

_**//"Things are fine I guess. I'm happier too now."//**_ he lied. Things looked like they were fine but nothing was fine. He only acted like it was fine.

_**//" I see. So then, I have to go now Oikawa-san. I have a big match tomorrow against Date Tech High's VBC."//** _

_**//"Owow Tobio-chan!Okay, okay. Goodnight then. I hope you lose!!"//** _

They both hung up the phone and Oikawa went straight into their bedroom. Akaashi and Bokuto were still in the living room as Bokuto was tutoring his boyfriend on a subject. Before climbing up to his bunk bed, Oikawa stared at Iwaizumi who was already sound asleep. He pulled up the blanket for Iwaizumi and climbed up to his bunk bed to hit the sack off.

**Timeskip; 2 days before Oikawa's Surgery**

**[1st December]**

Oikawa and Iwaizumi went through their days normally. No drama at all because Oikawa held everything inside of him and taped a smile and laughter on the outside.But he really did cherished his time with Iwaizumi and the others considering the remaining lifetime he had left. There was no cure anyways and he could die anytime and anywhere.

**"Oikawa, set for me. Let's play volleyball. Two on two. You and I against Kou and Akaashi."** Iwaizumi called for Oikawa who was sitting on the bleachers. The college's gym is a pretty clean and comfy place to begin with.

**"But Iwa-chan..."**

**"What?"** Iwaizumi asked. Oikawa wanted to tell that he was forbidden from playing volleyball too because of his disease but he never told anyone about it. Not even Akaashi who knew almost everything about his illness and health status.

 **"Nothing—Alright, I'll set for you, Iwa-chan!!But this will the last time!!Please remember."** Oikawa said and grabbed a Mikasa volleyball. Iwaizumi chuckled.

 **"Last one?Dumbasskawa. We can always play."**

Oikawa just smiled. He didn't even know why he said that.

 **"HEY HEY HEYYY!!We are the protagonists of the world!!"** Bokuto's enthusiastic words echoed within the empty gym and Akaashi face palmed himself.

The game started pretty well. The sounds of their volleyball shoes squeaking against the gym's shiny varnished floor and the sounds of their hands spiking the ball echoed along with their voices shouting each other's names.

**"Bokuto-san!"**

**"Akaashi give me a high toss!!"**

**"Iwa-chan!!"**

**"Great, Shittykawa!!"**

While playing against the owl couple and setting for Iwaizumi, Oikawa unconsciously smiled and laughed so bright that images, flashbacks of him and Iwaizumi in a match since childhood until high school flashed before his brown eyes.The sweet memories that suddenly came back. As a loud spike hit the ground, he snapped out.

**"Akaashiiii!!We're losers now!!"**

Bokuto cried. Akaashi patted his head and told him that it was okay. Iwaizumi placed a hand on his the right side of waist and laughed seeing Bokuto's emotional childish mode. Oikawa then walked to him and said,

 **"Iwa-chan good gam—"**

A thud sound was heard again. A loud thud. Oikawa fainted again. Iwaizumi turned around and saw Oikawa on the floor. Akaashi and Bokuto rushed towards him.

**"Oikawa!!"** Iwaizumi shouted. They tried shaking his body but he didn't wake up.

Akaashi dialled the ambulance and arrived ten minutes later.

Oikawa was put into the ICU ward and Oikawa's doctor scolded the boys. But it wasn't their fault either actually. They didn't know.

**"What were you boys thinking?!Oikawa-kun cannot play volleyball!!He cannot play heavy sports!!"** The female doctor shouted. She was angry because she was worried of him.

 **"Calm down, doctor."** The nurse said and comforted the doctor. The doctor stomped her way straight into her office and the nurse apologised to the boys before proceeding to contact Oikawa's parents.

**"Akaashi..did you know?"** Iwaizumi asked.

Akaashi shook his head and so does Bokuto.

Soon, Mizuki arrived and hugged her boyfriend.

**"Mizu.."**

**"Shh..it's okay Hajime.."** She said.

Akaashi's eyes widened. He never liked Mizuki anyway. He had enough of her pretend play.

**"What are you doing here?"** Akaashi glared.

Mizuki turned to Akaashi and acted like she had no idea why Akaashi seemed to hate her so much at the moment.

**"What do you mean..Keiji?What did I do..?"**

Akaashi looked down onto his shoes and clenched his fist and walked closer towards Mizuki. Iwaizumi and Bokuto had no idea of what was happening between the two freshmen. Akaashi lifted up his head and yelled at Mizuki. It was their first time seeing Akaashi being angry and yelling.

**" OKAY?HOW IS ALL OF THIS OKAY??YOU TELL ME MIZUKI!!AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?QUIT THE ACT AND GO BACK HAVING SECRET SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP WITH TERUSHIMA!!YOU NEVER CARE ABOUT OIKAWA-SAN NOR IWAIZUMI-SAN!!WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS WHAT IS THIS FOR?!WHAT, MIZUKI?!"**

Mizuki was shocked and slapped Akaashi hard on the left cheek. Bokuto was taken aback by her action whilst Iwaizumi was lost in the case.

 **"Oi, Mizuki!!"** Bokuto shouted.

**"What..?Akaashi.."** Iwaizumi's jaw dropped.

Akaashi sat on the long provided in front of the ICU. Mizuki's face turned pale. Iwaizumi however, did forgot to inquiry her regarding the picture of her and Teru sent by the unknown person before. Iwaizumi wanted to defend his girlfriend but Mizuki spoke up before he could say anything and it changed his mind and perspective towards her at once.

**"Hajime..I-I can explain..I love you..you know..I didn't mean to—"**

**"Get out."** Iwaizumi told Mizuki and pointed at the hallway to the hospital exit.

**"Hajime.."**

**"I said get out, Kazane Mizuki. Get out of my sight right now. We're over."**

Mizuki cried and stomped her way out from

his sight and Iwaizumi fell sitting on the floor. It was too much for him.

**"Hajime, you okay?"** Bokuto asked. Iwaizumi nodded.

 **"Just a bit dizzy. But I'm fine."**

Iwaizumi and Bokuto sat next to Akaashi and Iwaizumi started questioning Akaashi about Mizuki and Terushima. Akaashi started telling him the story from A-Z about it.

 **"I was the one who sent that to you..but I used a different number because I didn't have much audacity to do so.."** Akaashi confessed.

 **"I see..thank you..Akaashi."** Iwaizumi plainly replied.

**"Why didn't you doubt me?"** Akaashi asked. Iwaizumi shook his head.

**" It was like a breaking point. Besides, she changed a lot recently and I thought there must he something. And I think she's the one who deleted that message from my phone. Just wasn't sure until you said it. Thank you, Akaashi."**

Akaashi nodded and the three of them formed a group hugged. Keeping their prayers for Oikawa.

Hours had passed and it was already 9PM. Oikawa's parents arrived and hugged Iwaizumi, greeted the owl couple.

**"We'll have to see the doctor first, Hajime. We'll update on the three of you too, soon."** Oikawa's father said before entering the doctor's office with his wife.

About thirty minutes after that, the female doctor and Oikawa's parents came out and the boys heard their conversation.

**"Then we'll have to perform the surgery by midnight tonight. We estimate that it will end tomorrow around 10AM to 12PM."**

The doctor walked away and Oikawa's parents spoke to the boys.

**"This is all my fault..I shouldn't have asked him to play volleyball along!!"** Iwaizumi cried. Oikawa's parents comforted him before going back to their hotel nearby the hospital.

Midnight had came and the surgery had already started. Akaashi fell asleep on Bokuto's shoulder meanwhile Iwaizumi couldn't stop worrying about the outcome of the surgery. He still has a lot of things to say to Oikawa. To apologise. To have fun with him. Spend more of his days with him. To let him know about his ex-girlfriend.

** The Next Day: 2nd December **

It was a sorrowful morning for Oikawa's parents, Iwaizumi, Bokuto and Akaashi. Bokuto and Akaashi had informed Iwaizumi that they were going to go back to the dorm and change before going for their classes. Meanwhile Iwaizumi stayed there and took a leave from his lectures on that day. Oikawa's parents sat patiently in front of the surgery ward and Iwaizumi went out to have a fresh air.

The dried leaves fluttered during the cold autumn blown by a strong gust of wind. Iwaizumi took out Oikawa's phone from his pocket and his eyes were widened when he saw Oikawa's lockscreen wallpaper. It was a picture of Iwaizumi laughing joyfully. Tears dropped one by one from those olive eyes as he put it back into his pocket. He finally realised how much he had hurt Oikawa in so many ways.

At 12.00PM sharp at noon, the surgery was done. The doctors and nurses came out of the surgery ward and the usual female doctor spoke to Oikawa's parents. Iwaizumi then stood beside the couple to listen to the doctor's brief explanation.

**"This is all we can do for your son. For now, he is pretty stable. But we will have to see by tonight or tomorrow morning."**

Oikawa's parents nodded and watched the doctor went to the nurses discussing of a matter. Iwaizumi walked into the ward to see Oikawa who was still unconscious after his surgery whilst his parents were arranging the payment for their son's surgery.

Iwaizumi sat on a chair next to the hospital bed and spoke up softly to his unconscious best friend.

**"Hey, Shittykawa. Things happened in all of a sudden and in a blink of an eye, don't they? I can't believe this is real..if it wasn't for me who had asked to play along..you wouldn't be in this situation right now..tomorrow should be the day your surgery should be performed but...I don't know. I'm sorry, Tooru."**

Iwaizumi couldn't sleep the night before because he was too anxious and guilt consumed him so he fell asleep in the ward whilst having Oikawa's right hand in his. Oikawa's parents knew how close they were and they didn't have the heart to wake him up.

•

•

**7:28PM; 2ND December:**

**"Bokuto-san. I'm going to the bakery for a while."** Akaashi said and stopped the car in front of the bakery while he was on his way to the hospital with Bokuto. Akaashi rushed into the bakery and came back with a plastic bag of buns which included Oikawa's favourite food, milk bread.

**"I'm so proud of you, Keiji."** Bokuto said as he pinched his boyfriend's cheek.

 **"Why so sudden?"** Akaashi asked.

 **"Because you're such a good friend to Oikawa. Not just him, to everyone."**

Akaashi handed the buns he bought to Iwaizumi and he took it gently.

 **"Is he awake?"** Akaashi asked, pointing a thumb towards Oikawa's ward.

 **"Thank God, yeah. He woke up around 6PM but from my point of view, he's still weak. He couldn't really move."** Iwaizumi informed and nodded.

 **"Where are his parents?"** Bokuto too, asked.

Iwaizumi shook his head as a sign that he doesn't know where were Oikawa's parents at. The last time he saw them was right after the surgery was performed. The three of them walked into Oikawa's ward to visit him and Oikawa greeted them weakly along with a smile.

 **"Yohoo~...Bo-chan, Akaashi, Iwa-chan..I've missed you guys.."** His voice was very weak that his friends couldn't bear to see him in such pain yet still smiling. Akaashi handed him a milk bread and he was so excited. Akaashi smiled,

**"We missed you too, Oikawa-san."**

The once gloomy room then filled with the boys' laughter and silly jokes, pushing out the negativity.

**"Akaashi, can you please make me some of that soup and carrot porridge of yours again?The food here sucks!"** Oikawa pouted and flashed sparkling puppy eyes at Akaashi, pleading for his cooking. Akaashi nodded and promise Oikawa that he'll bring the soup and porridge on the next day. Iwaizumi got jealous when Oikawa kept on hugging Akaashi's arms and pleaded for his cooking so bad. Bokuto didn't mind it at all since he knew how motherly Akaashi could be.

**"Geez. I bet I can cook even better than Akaashi."** Iwaizumi whined and looked away. Oikawa stuck a tongue out at Iwaizumi and mocked him in the best way he could at that moment.

**"Loser, Iwa-chan!I remember the soup you made for me back in high school when I had flu, it tasted like...bleh. Ewww!!"**

**"Oi!!Be grateful you—"**

**"But still, I loved it. I do appreciate it Iwa-chan. Thank you."**

Oikawa said and posed a peace sign.

**"Say, guys. If I die, will you guys remember me?"** Oikawa suddenly asked. His question sounded a bit odd because he never speak of death before.

 **"You're not gonna die, Oi-Oikawa."** Bokuto said.

" **What if I will?"**

 **"You're not."** Akaashi added.Oikawa wasn't satisfied because they didn't answer to him.

" **Well I said, if I—"**

 **"Oikawa shut up."** Iwaizumi cut him off. He really didn't want Oikawa to speak of such matter in his current condition. Oikawa fiddled with his fingers, pouted and apologised.

**"We'll get going now. Tomorrow's Saturday. I'll start cooking tonight so I can bring it earlier in the morning tomorrow."** Akaashi told Oikawa before closing the door. Oikawa waved at Akaashi and flashed him a smile.

**"How are you always smiling?Even in this situation."** Iwaizumi asked. Oikawa tilted his head to the side, smiled and said,

**"Smiling is contagious just like laughing, Iwa-chan. You've been smiling the whole day and you didn't even know it yourself."**

**"I AM?"** Iwaizumi asked in surprise and Oikawa nodded.

 **"Well..whatever..! I'll go out to buy food. Here, wear my sweater.You want anything?It's like 11:25PM now."** Iwaizumi asked and stood up from the chair.

 **"Umm. Nothing, Iwa-chan. Be safe!I'm gonna take a very longggggg nap!Take care, Iwa-chan. You better not miss me after this!"** Oikawa laughed as he showed gestures of telling Iwaizumi to go out. Iwaizumi then walked out of the ward and went to the convenience store nearby the hospital to get instant noodles for his empty stomach and a cup of hot instant coffee.

•

•

Bokuto was helping Akaashi to steam the chicken for Oikawa's soup and he heard a mug dropped and broke. It was Akaashi. Akaashi were doing the dishes and accidentally dropped a mug. He tried picking up the broken pieces of the mug but ended up cutting himself. Bokuto immediately helped Akaashi throw the pieces of the broken mug and wrapped a plaster around Akaashi's thumb after washing the blood off.

 **"What's wrong?"** Bokuto asked when he noticed his boyfriend was silent.

 **"That's Oikawa-san's favourite mug..I don't feel good, Bokuto-san.."** A second after that, Bokuto's phone rang and it was a call from Oikawa's father. Bokuto dropped his phone in shock. Tears already streaking on his face, from his yellow eyes. Akaashi went to check up on him.

**"Bokuto-san..why are you.."**

**"Akaashi...Oikawa..Oikawa.."**

**"Bokuto-san..no.."** Akaashi then knew why Bokuto was crying and he immediately hugged Bokuto. They both cried even harder as the great smell of the soup Oikawa had requested Akaashi cook earlier evening rose within the kitchen.

Iwaizumi had finally gone back to the hospital after eating and found Oikawa's mother crying in front of Oikawa's ward.

 **"Oikawa-san, where is your husband?And why you crying here?"** Iwaizumi politely asked. Oikawa's mother lifted up her head and pulled Iwaizumi into a hug.

**"Hajime-kun!!"** She cried. She was lost for words due to her cries. Iwaizumi then heard the doctors shouting from inside Oikawa's ward and opened the door to see what what happening. Apparently, Oikawa's father was in that ward with the doctors.

**" TRY AGAIN!!"**

**"AGAIN!!"** The doctors shouted and they stopped at one point.

**"No..."** Iwaizumi heard one of the doctors cried. The doctors bowed to Oikawa's father, wiping their tears and left the ward. Iwaizumi eyes were widened again. Tears filling up

his olive eyes but they won't fall. He knew exactly what was happening but he refused to believe it.

**"Wait..what..it was just an hour ago..what..no.."** Iwaizumi said.

Oikawa's father hugged Iwaizumi.

**"He died in his sleep, Hajime. He's no longer in pain..let him sleep.."**

Iwaizumi pulled away and slowly walked to Oikawa's dead body.

**"Liar..you said you were just gonna take a nap..a long nap..you idiot. Then why die...why..?I didn't even get to hold a party in the dorm with you for my breakup...It's still Autumn..is this your early Christmas gift for me?"** Iwaizumi cried and tears had already started streaking down on his face. The sheets were soaked with his tears. Oikawa's parents cried loudly seeing their son's dead body.

•

•

**Funeral;3RD December:**

The rain was really heavy that morning. Oikawa's funeral was held small. Only his family members and close friends. Kageyama was also there to attend his senior's funeral. Everybody refused to believe the fact that the grand king of volleyball passed away.

**"You're staying here?"** Hanamaki asked Iwaizumi who was still standing in front of Oikawa's grave. He didn't respond. Matsukawa shook his head at Hanamaki and told him to let Iwaizumi be alone. Iwaizumi didn't have an umbrella with him, he let the heavy Autumn rain hit him.

Third of December. Oikawa's funeral was held on the third of December, on the day his surgery should be. Iwaizumi sat on his bed in the dark bedroom. Staring on the wooden floor, listening to the song Oikawa used to hummed a lot to, Heather. He missed him. He missed his best friend so much already and it was as if Oikawa was still there with him. He stood up and took Oikawa's pillow for him to hug. The smell of Oikawa's shampoo was still on his pillow. Iwaizumi put on his sweater the one Oikawa wore the last time he saw him and found the envelope Oikawa placed under his pillow and read the letter Oikawa wrote. Iwaizumi once again wept over the loss of his best friend as he read the letter.

_To:You._

_From:Me!_

_Hello, Iwa-chan. Yes, this is a letter for you. I don't know why am I writing this but okay. If you're reading this right now, I'm probably dead already hahhaha. LOL joke. Well we won't know. You know Iwa-chan, you're right!I'm happy today that you kissed me in all of a sudden. Gay panic!Anyway, I finally know why_

_do I like that song called Heather so much. The singer is probably me. Get it? And Mizu-chan is Heather. Hahhahaha sorry for being gay for you, Iwa-chan. I know it isn't supposed to be like that. But I feel better and fine because I talked about you a lot with Bo-chan, Akaashi and Tobio-chan. Ah!I promised Tobio-chan to help him with English. If I die, please teach Tobio-chan for me and tell him that I've never hated him at all!!He's a a good kid. Also, Iwa-chan. These are my favourite line of the lyrics!_

_ " I still remember _

_ Third of December _

_ Me in your sweater _

_ You said it looked better _

_ On me, than it did you _

_ Only if you knew _

_ How much I liked you." _

_ ——————————————- _

_ " Why would you ever kiss me? _

_ I'm not even half, as pretty _

_ You gave her your sweater _

_ It's just polyester, but you like her better _

_ Wish I were Heather _

_ Watch as she stands with _

_Her holding your hand_

_Put your arm 'round her shoulder_

_Now I'm getting colder_

_But how could I hate her?_

_She's such an angel "_

_And these are my favourite. They suit my story, don't they?I'm happy to see you happy. Mizu-chan was so nice to me that I couldn't even hate her damn.Oh, and if you're reading this on the 3rd of December, wouldn't it be weird?Gosh, ironic!Well..I love you Iwa-chan..as a best friend, a brother and a lover. LMAO I wasn't even your boyfriend or anything. I do wish to be in Mizu-chan's shoes before hahaha.I wish I was her. Thank you for being a part of my life._

_~Love, Oikawa Tooru~ ^o^_

Iwaizumi fell onto his knees and hcried even louder after reading it. He screamed Oikawa's name several times.The song was still playing and he read the letter in Oikawa's voice. Everything happened so fast that he kept telling himself that it was just a nightmare. His cries were so loud that Bokuto, Akaashi and Kageyama heard him from the living room. The three of them cried as well, grieving over the death of a 20 year old man, Oikawa Tooru.

**" I'm sorry Oikawa..I'm sorry..."**

Iwaizumi cried.

————————————————————-

**Author's Note:**

> Grey and Colourless is oneshot inspired by the song Heather by Conan Gray. Indeed,a beautiful song. This oneshot will be on both AO3 and Wattpad. Grammatical errors might have occurred in my writings.Therefore, my apologies. A big thank you for @kimchionigiri on Wattpad as the beta reader.


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